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JOTD
A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"What for?" he snapped at the judge.
His Honor, equally irked by a tedious day and the sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "I know. I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
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Good one! If I end up getting hauled in for jury duty, I'm using it! :pFound an answer to your question?
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An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: DEAREST WIFE: JUST GOT CHECKED IN. EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW. P.S. SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.Found an answer to your question?
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haha. I love that.Found an answer to your question?
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Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"
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Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"
His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ... and she's always sound asleep."
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What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
___________________________
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
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A businessman was confused about a bill he just received so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. He asked, "If I were to give you $20,000 dollars minus 14% how much would you take off?"
She replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Comment by Dardenella (original poster) at 4:16 PM on Jan. 23, 2013
Credits: 198410 Level 45
Just for Fun Degree
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An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father loaned me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and
Comment by Dardenella (original poster) at 4:43 PM on Jan. 23, 2013
Credits: 198410 Level 45
Just for Fun Degree
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LOL keep them coming
Comment by Dardenella (original poster) at 4:44 PM on Jan. 23, 2013
Credits: 198410 Level 45
Just for Fun Degree
Next question in Just for Fun
Way too funny...
Next question overall
(Relationships)
I can post my SUPER important picture now!!!
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