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8 Bumps

Can kids and love save marriage?

Hubby of 17 years wants to leave because he's "unhappy" with me and at home. He's always so confusing. Now our tween is devastated and is begging him to stay. Our tween is in so much pain. Hubby is coming today to discuss things, He says he still has love for me. How do I convince him to give us a chance without begging and force. What do I say when he comes,to make him think about saving our marriage. Is my kid begging making him want to leave more. Thank you. Should I ask him to go talk to priest with me or show him statistics on the damage divorce does on kids?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Jan. 24, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (24)
  • i think if he stays for the kids he wont be happy and will resent you but if he stays because he wants to for you than its worth a try - but if he does it as a favor or whatever he will probably put alot of pressure on you - make it his decision! Good Luck!!
    futurebabykar

    Answer by futurebabykar at 9:55 AM on Jan. 24, 2013

  • Kids can't save a marriage, heck "Love" can't save a marriage (neither will bombarding him from infor from your priest about divorce statistics).. What makes or breaks a marriage is open communication and compromise. (why do you think counseling is so often suggested). It is also what helps children get through divorces without damaging them, and what helps a couple heal more quickly and enables them to remain friendly IF they do divorce.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 9:56 AM on Jan. 24, 2013

  • Staying for the kids never ends well. Guilt driven " love" is so detrimental. Him saying he still has love for you says it all, if he truly had love it would of been I still feel in love with you, Kwim? Goodluck Hun.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 9:57 AM on Jan. 24, 2013

  • He may very well stay because he feels guilted into doing so but, he will grow to resent you & maybe even his child. And, no do not consult a priest. You need a legitimate licensed & unbiased marriage counselor.

    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 9:59 AM on Jan. 24, 2013

  • There are also statistics that show spouses staying together for the kids does more damage than divorce. It shows a very unhealthy marital relationship as their model for how things should be, one that they are likely to emulate.

    I would ask your husband to consider counseling. Whether you stay together or not you will benefit from the communication it will open and may be able to rekindle your marriage. But you can't force him.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:02 AM on Jan. 24, 2013

  • In our country love specially kids are great causes to save marriage. Even if both man and woman are not in love with each other, they always live a compromising life. I think you should have to talk with your hubby on this issue, but if he still want to leave you and kids then let him leave alone.
    kity-bity

    Answer by kity-bity at 10:03 AM on Jan. 24, 2013

  • It is from my experience that once the talk has started, nothing can really change that. If he stays, he will resent you or even the kid. I'd have NOT wanted my child involved... that's never good. The love has to be between you and him.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 10:13 AM on Jan. 24, 2013

  • "How do I convince him to give us a chance without begging and force"

    You calmly ask him if he will go with you to counselling. If he says yes, then you have a chance so grab it. If he says no then there is nothing you can do to save your marriage because he clearly isn't interested and it takes BOTH partners to make things work. You then get on with your life and file for divorce.

    Please try to keep your tween from getting involved. This is between youi and your husband to work out. Also avoid discussing the situation with your child - you'll only make it harder for them (and they do NOT need to know the details). How you cope with the situation will make all the difference.

    I wish you all the best.
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 10:19 AM on Jan. 24, 2013

  • Ask him to go to a professional counseling alone at first. I don't think the priest is the way to start, because you don't want him to be there out of guilt. He needs to figure out why HE is unhappy, once he starts that journey, it may help him sort his feelings. Many men get the 2nd childhood syndrome after this long of marriage, feel like they are missing something, and if they wait they won't be able to find out what could have been. They don't realize what they have already. Is he cheating?
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 10:23 AM on Jan. 24, 2013

  • I have always thought that staying for the kids is for the wrong reason. Why? Because i did it and I was miserable. Even after finding out all the things that my ex did, I stayed for my son because I didn't want him to grow up in a broken home. Well, our home was already broken and staying together just made it worse. I know it's hard right now, but you will make it through. Maybe you two can take a break and get some individual counseling and then some together if he feels like that's something worth talking about. I am so sorry that you are going through it because divorce sucks... plain and simple!!
    goofygalno1

    Answer by goofygalno1 at 10:41 AM on Jan. 24, 2013

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