Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Sexual Levels (TMI on the Highest level ladies..sorry but I need some ) adult content

What do you do when you and your SO are on two different sexual levels?

Dh's idea of kinky and my idea of it are sooo different. I try to indulge him but he can't or won't even try with me.

I know it sounds petty but it is becoming a problem. I resent him for it. When we first got together he had this idea of a threesome. I was very insecure with my body at the time. Although looking back on it now I would KILL for that body lol.

Anyway, dh wanted a threesome. He never got it because he mentioned having it with a friend of mine at the time and I stopped that crap dead in its tracks.

However I have indulged: Anal, Oral (swallowing), porn, semi-public acts. We still talk about a threesome while having sex. Lots of bdsm.

But those are mostly his things. He refuses to even talk about what I like. He says its "wrong".

It pisses me off. You can't call what I like wrong but expect me to do for you.

I asked him to go to an adult club with me. He said no. Won't go and I can't go either because he doesn't want someone looking at me like that. I tried to explain that it's not like I'll be walking around flat out naked. Not trying to hear it. He won't watch the kind of porn I like because he says it doesn't fit "us". We're an interracial couple (he's white i'm black). He will only watch porn with a white guy and a black girl or 2 black chicks. I mean seriously.

I just feel stifled sexually.

I'm more of a dominant person, although with him I try to not to be. I talked to him about me exploring that side and he, again, said no.

I think I might be bi and would love to find out. Tried opening up to him about it and he said, " Oh your mom is gay and you just saw too much of that shit too soon. U ain't bi"

What do you do when your stuck pleasing someone else on a sexual level and you aren't allowed to really explore and find out what you like?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Jan. 25, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I say start planning then, only a whore would be with 2 men, well a REAL man wouldn't disrespect his wife, honestly life is too short to not move on. I really don't know how you fix jerkiness, KWIM? How many more years are going to pass before you realize that you should be happy? I admit that we have had our ups and downs, but we have respect for one another, at times my husband can be a yeller, and a pouter, I withdraw, then we talk about it and agree to move on, sounds like he just wants what he wants. I would like a million dollars, that doesn't mean somebody will give it to me, I am so sorry for you!

    Answer by jerseydiva at 12:14 PM on Jan. 25, 2013

  • I have been married 20 years & worked full time most if it. Now I stay home because I have two small children. I can honestly say that in the last 20 years of marriage I haven't had the time nor the energy to think about anything like this. My DH & I are lucky if we can be alone for 1/2 an hour at night before we both pass out from sheer exhaustion. So my remedy to your problem would be get another job or have another child. Issue over! Tell your DH to pound salt until he can be less self centered. Sorry I couldn't help more.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 12:02 PM on Jan. 25, 2013

  • It sounds like a semi-abusive environment (at least in the sex department). Sex is a beautiful thing that requires give and take on both sides. You have given and given. If he is not willing to give a little, then stop giving.

    Answer by theMOMmission at 12:08 PM on Jan. 25, 2013

  • Become celibate, or use your dog.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 AM on Jan. 25, 2013

  • Whoa!


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:00 PM on Jan. 25, 2013

  • I'm a bitch, he would be cut off & told exactly why and what I expect from him.

    Answer by funlovinlady at 12:02 PM on Jan. 25, 2013

  • What ever happened to monogamy!
    You're flipping married! Why didn't you explore your bi-sexual side before you were married?
    You're both twisted IMO!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Jan. 25, 2013

  • @ ILovemyPaulie

    Thank you. No more babies though lol.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:04 PM on Jan. 25, 2013

  • Seriously?

    Please anon shout louder from your soap box. The rest of the world can't hear who judgmental you are.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:06 PM on Jan. 25, 2013

  • I get that he has a fantasy, but wanting his wife with someone else is not right, How about suggesting a 3 way with another man, he goes first, then you will, LOL! What he is doing is a lack of respect, you have told him your feelings, and he doesn't care. If I hated steak, and that is all my husband wanted me to eat, it is a lack of respect kind of thing. I am guessing that it isn't only in the bedroom that he is selfish.
    I woudl put it like this, I am not having a 3some, and I don't enjoy (fill in the blank), if this is a deal breaker for you, then the deal is broke!

    Answer by jerseydiva at 12:06 PM on Jan. 25, 2013