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Well, I just figured it out...(I posted a ? yesterday and got some good answers), but here it is...
So, my husband and I don't trust his daughter. But yesterday I saw some really disturbing traits that I need help with. My stepdaughters school counselor called my husband and let him know that she was crying, so she called her in to the office to see what was going on. She told the counselor that she had cut herself (again) and that she want to regain the trust with her Dad back. So Dad did what every concerned dad did. He picked her up from school and decided they needed to go out for dinner (just the 2 of them), Ok, I am cool with that. So, he asked her where they should go and she without any hesitation blurted out where she would like to eat. He said Ok, not a second later she say's very upbeat and giddy,"Can I use your phone Dad?" (not sure why). So they went. Upon their arrival home, she walked in said "Hi" to me and went to bed, after asking her dad to take her to school the today (we live 5 blks from school). So, then it was my turn. I asked husband about their time and if they talked things out. He said he didn't want to get into it then. Hmm..So I backed off a bit. I asked if they talked about the pot that was found (by me) in her purse, he said yes they talked about it. But she lied about where she had put it (I was looking for her cousins wallet that was left behind a few days prior, that's how I found the stuff). So, I came to the conclusion that she is completely manipulating her father, just as her mother (not in the picture, on drugs and lost custody of all 4 of her children)did for 10 years. Step-daughter told her father that when we "fight" (we argue) that upsets her, and when our 4 year old daughter yells and acts up that upsets her too. So now she is blaming our marital spats and a 4 year old. I think that she is not out to hurt herself but to hurt her father. She knows that when she messes up, he gets angry, she "cuts" (no blood is ever shown, just a scrape) herself, he has sympathy for her. I also don't think she has ANY remorse for her wrong doings, because if she had, she would not only apologize to her father, but me as well. Last weekend she pulled another stunt. Dad let her use her phone to call him after v-ball practice, only to find she was texting the whole time. Friend asking if Dad saw FB posts from the night before. so that day turned sour as well, but yet she still got ho stay with her grandma for the weekend (gam is housesitting a beautiful home w/2 dogs). I took some advice I got yesterday and talked to her before they left and was very nice, but this morning when I woke up It dawned on me she is totally manipulating her father and I have to stand back and watch my husband who works so hard to make a nice life for us deal with this. It is so unfair for her to do to all of us. She was like this when she was little too, before we married and had little one. This is learned behavior from her mother and now I may as well be living with her. I feel so sorry we are dealing with this. I have tried being her friend, parent, and everything else in between, tried being nice, mean, ignorant, but now I am so angry. She has never said she was sorry to me for any of her behavior. I have always apologized to her for ever getting upset with her (I yell, but am actively working on that and have not yelled in a long time). Which leads me to believe she is really selfish. She was raised by her mother and people say that if you come into a child's life after the age of 5-6 it is really hard to connect with them. We are going on 9 years. I was taught that you right your wrongs in a timely matter. It takes a lot of courage to say you were wrong, but once you begin todo that, you are on a great path. Please help me. I don't want to leave my husband because of this, but it is tearing me apart. I just thought I couldn't trust her, but I have come to the realization, she is extremely manipulative. Have tried talking to husband about it, but he blames other things and people as well, like our little girl. So, it's only natural for step-daughter to now blame her. She is an innocent person and has no idea whats going on, but really doesn't have a relationship with her sister (10 years diff), because she never tries(d) to. Little one doesn't bother her that much, isn't allowed in her room, NEVER gets talked to or played with, so it's only natural for smalls to gravitate toward me that much more. Help me please. I posted another ? yesterday and got some good advice, so if you need more info, read that post to get a better understanding. Thank you all!
Answer by girlwithC at 8:30 AM on Jan. 26, 2013
Answer by girlwithC at 8:16 AM on Jan. 26, 2013
Answer by girlwithC at 8:05 AM on Jan. 26, 2013
Answer by Ballad at 11:16 PM on Jan. 25, 2013
Answer by hellokittykat at 10:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2013
Answer by tessiedawg at 9:40 PM on Jan. 25, 2013
Answer by 3libras at 9:02 PM on Jan. 25, 2013