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My 15 year old acting out because he wants to live with his dad.

My son has began his freshman year in high acting unruly. He has told me that he wants to go live with his dad and because his dad isn't financially prepared for him he can't, and now he is acting out. He has been suspended from school for drinking on campus. He has been readmitted pending he doesn't get into anymore trouble for the rest of the school year. This past Friday he was written up for being disrespectful to his teacher. He told her to leave him alone when she asked him to participate in class. I tried talking to him calmly to get a understanding of what's going on with him to only hear that he wants to live with his dad and he is doing everything wrong because he can't go. I am reaching out to other moms for advice before I or my husband hurt this little boy. We are truly trying to be understanding but I WILL NOT deal with a disrespectful child. My husband has offered him all the help possible and nothing.

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HurtingMom182

Asked by HurtingMom182 at 6:50 PM on Jan. 26, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 4 (35 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • So you have a husband? How involved is he with your son, why don't you take him and all of you to counseling?
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 10:25 PM on Jan. 26, 2013

  • We have had counseling twice but the first two sessions were spent trying to get to know each other. Very lost with the counseling, but hopeful something with come about.
    HurtingMom182

    Comment by HurtingMom182 (original poster) at 10:33 PM on Jan. 26, 2013

  • I am new here but i have been in this situation myself as a teen. sometimes its just best for the child to go live with who they want to live with and see how it is. Luckly my mom was willing to let me come back. but i had to see that the grass wasnt greener on the other side. but my point is that if he really wants to go there has to be something that has happened either at home or at school also the drinking plays a VERY BIG part in pointing out something wrong is going on. and please do not let that slide because it can get worse. And my last opinion i know your husband has been there since your sone was 2 i believe you said, but it does make it worse when a step parent tries to play parent in a situation like this, because even though he has been there your son might be upset that he is trying to play father when he has one. When I moved with my dad and step mom( since I was 4) when i was 15 I had alot of problems with...
    mommaTishi

    Answer by mommaTishi at 11:12 PM on Jan. 26, 2013

  • her because she was tryin to be my mom and I already had a mom. And Im not gonna lie I was mad because even though they were married when I was 4 I always thougth my parents would get back together..til my mom married a really awesome guy who is my dad now. but that might be mad because he wants yall back together. there are so many reasons why. i do think you are doing the right thing and having a phone call though. :)
    mommaTishi

    Answer by mommaTishi at 11:15 PM on Jan. 26, 2013

  • @ momma Tishi I think your right, but at the same time it will make me feel like a failure as a parent. Like you said the grass may not be greener on the other side, but there is something over there that isn't on this side and that hurts my feelings because I give my all for my son to have what he needs and in return in return I get this! I have been talking to him for many years. Update tomorrow after my conversation with his dad.
    HurtingMom182

    Comment by HurtingMom182 (original poster) at 11:33 PM on Jan. 26, 2013

  • I understand where your coming from but sometimes tough love is the best love that is what my mom made me realize and they actually made me sign a contact because I did not just do it once to my mom I did it twice and in the end I know it made her feel horrible even when she didnt say anything. but i hope everything goes well tomorrow and yall figure out everything and it gets better. prayers:)
    mommaTishi

    Answer by mommaTishi at 11:40 PM on Jan. 26, 2013

  • " there is something over there that isn't on this side "

    Actually, I think it's quite the opposite. There is something on your side that he things won't be on the other side. He thinks that if he stays with his father life will be cool and easy for him - no obligations, no discipline, no school work, etc. He sounds like a typical teen who thinks that there's an easy option out there and that he's going to take it if he can.

    Good luck and keep us posted!
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 4:40 AM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • When I was that age I was the same way when it came to my drug addicted mother. The only reason that pulled me out of my down whirl spile is that being allowed to go stay wit her, even though she was not able to handle me it was a big eye opener for me. I know it may be hard to hear but maybe the best thing to do in your situation is to let him go and see if it helps and if not allow him to go to his dads every day after school for a certain amount of time...
    Im-HiDdEn

    Answer by Im-HiDdEn at 11:35 AM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • *Update* Well I have spoken with my sons dad and found that it hasn't been a discussion he has been having with him, but he has been speaking with his Aunt (His dads sister). She has been telling him that he should push harder to be with his dad. I can't believe a grown adult would do something like this to a child. His dad informed me that he was sticking to our original plan and has been working hard to get himself together for at least his spring break vacation. I forgot to inform that there is a State difference here. We are a 4 hour drive from each other so visitation is mostly holidays and summer vacations which I have been okay with letting him have. I can say I am a little relieved that I don't have to revisit to whole custody issue, but pissed off that another adult has started mess that has effect my son.
    HurtingMom182

    Comment by HurtingMom182 (original poster) at 12:16 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • I think you, your son and his dad should sit down together. The dad should explain he is doing ABC to get to a point to be able to provide a home but that the two of you agree that on the part of your son XYZ . You need to both explain to your son that as a family unit need to all work together so this will work. You need to explain that his behavior is hurting not helping.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 7:01 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

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