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Telling the truth ends friendship...

This is more of a vent than a question but everyone is welcome to lend their insight. This just really upsets me and I needed to post it someplace. okay, the deal is for the past i'd say ten years or so I have been online as a male. I used to go into yahoo chat rooms under women's screen names and get bombarded with Pms asking a/s/l what are you wearing, how big are your boobs and other crap like that. This was back in the day when yahoo had user groups and most of what I did was in role playing games. So, I created a male identity and after a while I began to feel more comfortable as a male and pretty much every account I made on every site was under a male guise, this in fact is the first site that I actually came on and admitted to being female for obvious reasons. Anyway, my issue now is that I have a male friend that I have been chatting with and we are really good friends, get along good and just great buddies. He lives close by so we talked and decided to meet up and go out for a beer go bowling what ever. So obviously I had to tell him the truth about me. He didn't get upset over it, he has known me about three years online and knows me and understands that I feel more male in my head so it was a shock to him but he knows it's not because I was being purposely deceitful. I still want to be friends with him and he acted like oh yeah we can be buds, we can go grab a beer, hang out do guy things etc...except now the last few times we have spoken its different. He started talking about I can't wait to meet you in person you have such a sexy sounding voice, do you think maybe sparks would fly and we can be more than friends, I really want to see what you look like, then last night he actually asked me what kind of things I am into. Am I kinky in bed, how many partners I have had, do I sleep with men and women? I am like omg, what happened to us being buds? Why is it that I am suddenly no longer the guy he knew but now a girl that he is trying to pick up? I am at the point where I am avoiding his texts now and about to tell him that I don't think were going to work out as friends and it was a mistake to tell him the truth. I just don't understand why he wants to ruin a good friendship by thinking he can "date" me. It's like what do I have to do, hide behind a computer the rest of my life because all people see when they look at me is a woman? Sorry for the long post, I just needed to get this off my chest I suppose.


Asked by AnonNdrag at 8:02 AM on Jan. 27, 2013 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,783 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • That is very sad. I would just cut all contact with him. He may be very unnecessarily hurtful if you do meet up. I would not put myself in that position. If I were you, I'd join online groups specific to what I was interested in. Then if you meet someone who has the same interests as you, there won't be any disappointment if you decide to meet in person. Best wishes & I hope you meet a great person & You are always welcome here with us too! :)


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:11 AM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • Sorry that has happened. I don't know that the truth is what did this, though. It sounds like what you thought was a great friendship wasn't the same to him
    I find men in general believe their penis can fix all the world's problems. They truly think with it...which is why so many can't function outside of using it (and I'm not saying they automatically know how to use it).
    If you were my friend, i'd tell you to drop it, and move on. Forget him. However, I don't know you, don't have a clue how much you have invested in this relationship...only you can decide how to proceed.
    I'd never talk/text him again, myself.

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:03 AM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • to me, he sounds like a scumbag that now wants to get laid since he found out you're a female. if he was a true friend, he wouldn't be hitting on you and turning the situation into something awkward and uncomfortable. my guess is he never made advances at you when he thought you were a man, correct? doesn't sound to me like he understands your position. i suppose you could be upfront with him and let him know now that you aren't interested in him sexually, and if that is his intentions now then it would be best if you both go your separate ways.

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:12 AM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • So you have known him for YEARS, as a "guy" on line? You never gave it a thought after maybe, a month or two of talking online to tell him. "I am a female" pretending to be male. That is cruel.   You might as well just tell him the truth now.  The way you are talking to me. You are acting just like all the other guys. And I do not want to talk to you any more.


    Answer by louise2 at 8:18 AM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • How old is he? He sounds a little immature. Tell him to grow up and stop making a fool of himself.

    Answer by FroggyFeet at 8:38 AM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • Yeah, it sounds to me like he doesn't want to sound like a douche by saying, "I'm totally freaked out that you're a man in a woman's body (or getting a sex change, or whatever it is you're doing at this point)!" so instead, he's doing this so that you'll back off and end the friendship yourself. Then he can "look good".

    Frankly, I don't think it's worth worrying about. Three years online is not the same as a three year real-life friendship, and I would just let it go. But I would think about, in the future, being honest much sooner and just making it very, very clear that you are looking for friendship and nothing more and that you will not discuss anything of a sexual or romantic nature.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:59 AM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • I may be off base, but I get the feeling that this guy is deliberately doing this to end the friendship without saying I don't like that you were deceitful toward me all of these years when I trusted you. Let him go.

    Answer by Bmat at 8:05 AM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • sorry bout that! I agree that possibly he is trying to push you away or hes just a dick when it comed to women!
    I would tell him straight up that you dont appreciate his behavior and if that is how he isgoing to be you are done. I would be VERY hesitant to meet this man in person, very scary idea to me.

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 9:30 AM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • Just being honest here. Most people do not care how you feel in your head(you are female, but in your head you are male). They see what you are on the out side. Truthfully the best lie you can say if you do not want guys to make passes at you, is that you are a Lisbian. That way they know you are female, but do not like guys like that.


    Answer by louise2 at 9:34 AM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • Ok. So, you "came out" to him as being female. However, did you "come out" to him about being a Lesbian? He may not even be aware of that. Some men can be dense as hell when it comes to that type of thing. If you have, he may be one of those that feels he can "cure" you (which I know is one of the stupidest things ever).
    It's up to you how to handle it. If you haven't told him of your sexual preference yet, you may want to. He may think that you decided to tell him you were female because you were wanting sex (which I am sure is NOT why you did it). If you have told him and he is still acting like an ass, it may just be time to come out and tell him he is being an ass and to let it go.

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 9:46 AM on Jan. 27, 2013