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Team interaction

My third grader is in the science and engineering team headed by the very smart boy. On their first game they did fine heading to the third place (out of 64 commands). Then, the captain announced the next assignment but asked if someone else can handle the meeting, no one answered him at the beginning (including us, we were abroad), one girl later offered her house later on, but we collected all the needed information for the assignment. After the meeting my daughter noticed that the poster was prepared incorrectly (written on the paper and then attached, instead of written directly on the poster). The captain asked the girl rewrite the poster, since it would be disqualified otherwise. that girl is still mad at my daughter.
Toward the next game the captain got sick with the flu and did not come to the game, my daughter was instead of captain, She picked up the poster from the captain's house, came early to the game and got ready, her other team mates got slightly late (she was crying sitting all alone for the first questions of the game). Kids argued for the whole game who will hold the clicker and did poorly.
My daughter picked up the next assignment for the team and was eager to do it, she did so much on it. When we e-mailed everyone to practice, no one answered the e-mail, but the captain briefly answered one of our questions, but others did not. Next competition is on Saturday at 8 in the morning and it does require preparation and team work together. We tried to speak with the captain, but he tells us to speak with everyone else, we gave everyone the straws wanting to encourage them to practice independently, but speaking with someone we learned that they dis not practice, stating 'it's not like they going to win anyway'... Yesterday we learned that the team member invited everyone in the team but my daughter to his birthday. The captain, yes ,invited my daughter to his birthday, but cancelled it as he was sick...
I cannot get rid of the bad feeling on what is going on...sigh, any advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:32 PM on Jan. 27, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • WTF?? They are only in third grade... this sounds like an activity for middle schooler's.

    Answer by Crafty26 at 6:55 PM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • Time to find another activity for your daughter. She's into it, the others are NOT.

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:57 PM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • The activity is hard for third graders, but as a team the kids could do something to succeed. Maybe their team is not as similar to each other, three friends from the kindergarten, my daughter that was with them only since the second grade and another boy. The four families all have three kids and my daughter is the only child, three children are relatively rich and two others (us and that other boy hmm..relatively poor). I just feel so bad for my daughter...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:17 PM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • Unfortunately, I don't have much advice to give because even adults have problems with team work and it doesn't get any easier. This might help her develop a thick skin as a silver lining to this injustice. Does she have many friends at this school? If not, it could be that she needs some help making friends. Kids usually shun what they don't know. Help her learn to be more outgoing. Give compliments to other kids as an icebreaker. Cupcakes at the next event might help win some popularity and be sure to say that your daughter wanted to share them with all her friends. Perhaps taking the high road and calling them friends will melt the walls.

    Answer by hellokittykat at 9:56 PM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • Believe me or not I did that, I gave them fruit arrangements and so. My daughter playing fine with many kids, her teacher tells she is very social. Her grades are high, 90and above, but many children in her class have average of 100 and kind of show it up.she feels that she doesn't do as well as those kids. I don't know, really...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:49 PM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • Talk to the staff advisor. All the teams have one it is time to set up a meeting with the advisor and the whole team.

    Answer by booklover545 at 11:54 PM on Jan. 27, 2013

  • There is no support or advisor on that...unfortunately, and the rest of the team seem to care very little...I don't know, it is just strange situation. I think they won't risk quitting, but won't put much of the time or effort...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:14 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • How can a third grader belong to a school activity that does not have a school asvisor???? I can't even imagine that...

    Answer by Nimue930 at 4:13 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • Sounds like a situation for natural consequences, and learning.
    You don't know how it will take shape, whether the bumps will iron out or if they will cause everything to fizzle out. But if you understand/internalize that it is not a tragedy (whatever happens) and that it (whatever happens!) is not "too horrible" for your daughter to experience, (not too much for her, not unthinkable/wrong for it to happen--including the birthday party slight), then your daughter will be in the best position to go through whatever happens, have her feelings in response, and continue on with life.

    She may be disappointed, hurt, or annoyed. She may be bummed if the team falls apart & her investment doesn't lead to continued competing, or good performances. It may be hard for you to witness her feelings, or to witness what happens (if you are very disappointed in it, and hoped for a different experience/outcome.) But ultimately it's not tragic.

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:01 AM on Jan. 29, 2013

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