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4 Bumps

Friends with benefits

A guy and I have been friends with benefits for several years now. We go months without speaking or hoping up. He is always the one who say: remember no emotions or expectations. Which is fine with me, I'm a single mom and plan on moving in 5 yrs when my youngest graduates high school.
I enjoy the sex and company of a man without being tied down in a relationship. No I do not see anyone else.
My question or problem is. What if he has someone - not just someone but maybe a real girl friend on the side?
I know, in the beginning we were both single. But like I said this has been years of on and off sex. We always use protection, condoms. And he started this FWB thing, as we've actually known each other over 20 years.

I worry, that he's cheating on someone else by being with me. We've been in this arrangement for 5 years now. He works two / three jobs so I don't know, when he'd have time for another woman. I'm always running with my kids and / or at work. It takes planning for us to meet up.
We just made plans via texting for next Friday.
We haven't been together in several months.

What would you think?
Would you be worried?

And yes, of course I have feeling for him, I do love him as a friend. But don't really see anything more. I've been divorced once and him twice. I'm not looking to be married again. At least not until my kids are all out if school.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Jan. 28, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • if you are that close why not ask him

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 12:28 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • ask him. only word it in a non-threatening, straight to the point, up& up way like "you're not cheating on someone by hooking up with me, are you?" or "im cool with just being FWB, in fact i prefer it, but i dont want to be screwing around with a guy in a committed relationship." just make sure he understands that you're okay with the booty call status and that its the possible cheating that bothers you.

    if you ask "do you have a girlfriend?" or "are you in a relationship?" he will probably think you want more than just easy sex and be scared away.

    Answer by okmanders at 12:36 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • I'm not trying to be mean at all, but you two need to make sure you are on the same page with this "riends with benefits" thing. Since you don't have a committed relationship, the man might not share the same monogamous feelings that you obviously have. You expect one partner, at least for now, no commitment. But he may be perfectly okay to hook up with different women in the same way--easy sex, no strings, protection used so there's no chance of STD's or babies. You might examine why you feel the man should only be with one partner. There's nothing wrong with "friends with benefits"--you're both adults. But if you don't make absolutely sure the two of you see the relationship in the same way, someone (probably you) could get badly hurt.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:41 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • He once called and ask my option on a situation with another woman. And I gave him sound, friendly advice.
    And I've made it clear to him that I do not like cheaters and he knows I'm not with anyone else.
    We are truely friends first. I have his Facebook and email passwords. We do trust each other. So, maybe I'm just over thinking this.

    I sorta inciated the meeting set for Friday, he'd originally texted me about printing a photo for him to do a project. He did not bring up sex - I did.
    It's been several months at least four, sense we've last hooked up.
    He once said he missed our meetings.
    Do you think, he's been four months without sex?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:48 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • Ask.

    Answer by staciandababy at 12:49 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • ballad you must have forgotten that you broke up a marriage
    relationships is not an area you should be giving advice in


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:54 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • If you are close enough to have sex with him then NO questions are off the table. NONE. If you cannot ask him anything you SHOULD NOT be sleeping with him ever.

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:58 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • Or it could be by what you posted 2nd that maybe he has other "friends with benefits". He gets the sex whenever but never the commitment. Some guys like it, I think that's a lonely life to live.

    Answer by MamaLisec at 1:37 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • Ask him , "are you in a relationship" see what he say. Before the sex. Unless you want to get some.

    Answer by louise2 at 6:48 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • He has always said no emotions no expectations....

    If thats agreed upon than no need to question him about what he does when he is not with you.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 7:08 AM on Jan. 28, 2013

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