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Help me slow things down a bit.

I broke up with my fiance and recently began dating someone new. It's been several weeks and things are going pretty well, we're both having fun and enjoying ourselves. We met on a dating website and since things have been going so well we both decided to delete our accounts with the site.

We both have full time jobs, kids and busy schedules. Since our weekends match in respects to when we have our kids and when we do not we not only see each other on kid free weekends but also during the week after work for dinner and other local activites. This past weekend was a kid free weekend for the both of us and we made plans to see each other. Then he asked me to spend the weekend with him and I agreed.

We had a very nice time, watching movies, talking, dining both in and out. Even napping on the sofa together. There was no pressure to do anything and he was the first to remark on how much he liked being able to relax and not have to worry about constantly having to stress over whether or not he always had something extravagant planned to keep me happy. That we could have a good time watching the UFC fights and eating pizza or going to do mini golf and betting on who would win.

He has said a few things that have me thinking that maybe in the near future he would like to possibly take things to the level and become exclusive. To be honest I wouldn't be opposed to that but a part of me doesn't want to jump ahead of myself and ask just in case I misread what was being said.

I realize most will say that the only way to know for certain is to ask but I wanted to know what I should be or could be doing to slow my mind down from getting to far a head?

Answer Question

Asked by irishinspirt410 at 12:03 PM on Jan. 28, 2013 in Relationships

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • It sounds like you ARE exclusive to me. Are you waiting for him to ask you to be his girlfriend? You are no longer a teenager, remember? My SO and I have been together for years and he never said, "will you be my girlfriend?" We went on a date, scheduled another and another and spent weekends together (no pressure) and soon I began sleeping over then not going to my place much. The tell tale is how he introduces you to people. Does he say, "this is my girlfriend, irishinspirt"?

    Answer by daylily888 at 12:09 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • Well, we have made a conscious effort to just focus on spending time together and getting to know each other first before interacting with others. Especially our family and our kids. We've told ppl like co-workers about each other and my kids know about Edwin but no formal introductions thus far.

    Comment by irishinspirt410 (original poster) at 12:24 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • How long has it been?

    Answer by daylily888 at 12:25 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • It really hasn't been long, not quite a month yet.

    Comment by irishinspirt410 (original poster) at 12:31 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • How old you you? What ages are the kids?

    Answer by daylily888 at 12:32 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • We're both 35 and my lassies are 14 & 7 and his are almost 10 & 9. My lassies live with me and visit their father every other weekend and Edwin's kids live outta state with their mum. We are a house of mixed ethnicities, my kids and I are of mixed races and he and his kids are Hispanic.

    Comment by irishinspirt410 (original poster) at 12:41 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • Take it one day at a time. It is like opening up a "new present" and is very exciting in the beginning. Eventually things change. Enjoy this time but also be aware of being blinded by the euphoria of a new relationship. I do not judge anyone in their relationships. I know from experience that we can make some huge mistakes by rushing into things. Listen to the voice within yourself and give it time to "get real" until you make any decisions. Have fun ! :-)

    Answer by LeJane at 12:46 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • LeJane, I like what you said. We've both been thru divorces and me just going thru a break up.
    As much as I am into him I don't want to make mistakes simply because I'm feeling the high of a new relationship.
    My gut says give it more time before bringing the subject up of being exclusive and who knows by that time he might verbalize his desires more matter factually.

    Comment by irishinspirt410 (original poster) at 12:57 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • Exclusively dating isn't necessarily moving too fast. If you're not introducing the kids, moving in together, planning a wedding or getting pregnant, exclusively dating simply means you aren't seeing anyone else while you explore where this can go. Don't think of it as anything more than that and you'll be fine.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 1:03 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • I think a month of this is enough time to define the relationship. I would want to know that he's not out there seeing anyone else and I think he ought to know that you are only seeing him as well. It's probably a "no-brainer" kind of conversation once you have it, but just by defining a relationship doesn't mean it's moving too fast. At 35, the game playing should be well over, so it's already probably the case that you two are exclusive, but why not just make sure...
    Are you sleeping together yet? If you are, that conversation should've been had already. If you're not, be sure to have that conversation before you do... and not in the heat of the moment.

    Answer by daylily888 at 1:09 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

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