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3 Bumps

Please don't judge me

 i know my relationship isnt perfect but would it be bad if I have a child with the man im with (later when im financial fit) out of wedlock?

NOT in terms of morality. Im thinking maybe i should marry when the kids are 18 (or IF at all) how am i going to be hard to get if im married? that sounds weird but i wouldnt feel like anything special if i gave him everything and left nothing for a mystery. we have been togethe 6 years and even though we argue (as some of you know) we still are firy as every. we have that spark.

 i know my situation better than anyone obviously, but what are pros and cons of this situation? because it sounds too good to be true for my situation and im wondering if maybe im forgetting something. also we are young so i might as well wait. but i dont want to wait much longer to have kids

obviously if we broke up i wouldnt get child support but i dont want his money i always know i can survive on my own.

i just know the man i love is not marriage material (and he may or may not be later down the road)  i want to have a family with him and he wants to start one with me too eventually. i dont want to start all over with someone else just because he's not your typical husband

i just feel like we would both be miserable tied down in that way. but we still want kids together. so that could work right!?

he loves me a LOT and we've talked about it. for years hes really wanted to be a dad  with me as his copilot so its not like he will leave if i get pregnant.

and no need to bring up the pot roast, and no need to say i cant afford it because both of those things are true, i overreacted (get over it) and am surviving pay check to paycheck paying of college loans (get over it)

so lets all giddy up and answer some questions!

THANK YOU

 

 
lizzybee44

Asked by lizzybee44 at 11:06 PM on Jan. 28, 2013 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,681 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (35)
  • lizzy you know by now that posts are judged on here. You've already proven that to yourself. You will be judged on each and every question you post here. So saying not to judge you isn't going to help that.

    You do not sound as though you are ready for another child. Your relationship is not stable, the man you love has some serious issues. That coupled with your own list of issues makes it almost impossible to provide a good environment for children.

    IMO you should not have more children with this man right now.

    "out of wedlock" should be the least of your problems and concerns.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:17 AM on Jan. 29, 2013

  • Ok Hun, you mentioned before about you having a baby just because your mom can babysit. If you know she's unstable why would you leave a child with her, that's irresponsible. Just remember how you grew up, do you want your kids to grow up like that?
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 11:26 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • how can you write "dont judge me" and then post what you posted with a clear conscience?
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:00 AM on Jan. 29, 2013

  • Smfh.
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 11:08 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • I'll be honest but not rude. I think that you have a lot to work on yourself (and I get the feeling that you know this as well). Concentrate on you and the child you have now. When the time comes that you feel you are ready, then evaluate the situation and how you feel about this.
    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 11:11 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • 24? Pish. Your clock hasn't even STARTED yet. Talk to me about your clock in 15 years. Not now.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:13 AM on Jan. 29, 2013

  • I don't understand a damn thing your post said!
    Are you not a mom? Asking because this is a site for moms.

    The chase? What the hell are you talking about?
    My DH and I will be married 30 years in April and the spark has NEVER left. I'm married to my best friend! Chasing is for dogs and cats!
    You seriously have a lot to learn and thinking your unstable mom is good for your child just shows you are unstable!
    Don't do that to an innocent baby!
    PMSMom10

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:20 AM on Jan. 29, 2013

  • i am thinking that you BOTH need some counseling
    you brought up the roast, so let me reflect...a man will only take a woman going ape shit crazy so many times. If he's not married that number of times may be very few.

    find out WHY you flip out, do not bring a baby into the mix unless you are BOTH emotionally stable. Being finacially able is good but you have to "be there" for a child. Not screaming and pitching fits
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 11:18 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • Someone please read this chick's past questions about this man she has a "spark" with. Specifically the ones posted late December.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Jan. 28, 2013

  • Honestly, I think y'all have an unhealthy relationship. I would probably go to counseling by yourself and with him and maybe have him go by himself too lol. Or just find someone else who you don't feel like you have to "chase"... Maybe some stability and security would be good. I have no idea what to tell you.
    Hollyhock.

    Answer by Hollyhock. at 12:02 AM on Jan. 29, 2013