I really need some advice here. My husband was laid off from his teaching job after many years in January 2010. We had a supplemental income working from home with a company and he had unemployment. Since that time our income from the company we were working with was cut several times, as of December there is no more unemployment. I have started another business and it is getting off the ground but will take time before I see it replace our income. We got word last month that our income with the first company is coming to nearly a screeching halt. Every time I approached my husband about making a plan of what to do, he put me off.
My husband and I come from completely different backgrounds. His family never saved a dime, as fast as the money came in, it was spent, they never had anything. This mentality never left my husband, before he was married he was making very good money and yet he did not have any savings, he owned a home with a mortgage and had a nice car and nice things because he spent all his money.
When we got married he was embarrassed about the way he handled money and vowed to be different but if not for me we would have no savings. We had a very large savings due to an inheritance that I got from my parents. I have it put away where he cannot touch it. Even so we have had to dip into it many times due to his lack of work etc.
He dipped into his 401 K last year, and spent some of it on a 3000.00 guitar (supposedly a limited edition collectors item). He said he did not tell me because I always say no.
Now, I find out he took a check in my name from my insurance company that was paid on a car that I owned that was stolen and totaled. The check was nearly 12,000.00. Well I find out yesterday he forged my name deposited the check and was paying our bills with it, no wonder he was not worried about our salary getting cut or what we would do because for him, we will coast on that until it is gone. That is his mentality. I was so pissed. He then says he did not tell me because I would say no, he also tells me he will do what he wants to take care of the family and that it was not spent on anything but heating oil and other bills. He says he is right.
When I tell him he needs to get a job he always has an excuse, he had surgery last year, then he just had elbow surgery, he wants to get another surgery etc… meanwhile he could work from home helping me with my business and won’t do it. I am sick of this, this money is going to go just like he spent his 401 K. He lives in the moment, I am so upset, contacted a lawyer, he says he will not go, will not get a divorce.
I cannot take it any more, do not want to rip my family apart but he is going to destroy us financially.
He honestly said to me yesterday that asking him what he spent $150.00 on was destroying his day. He said that no one does that. I told him there are couples that go nuts if the other spends $20 and can’t account for it and that asking what he spent $150 is not unreasonable.
He wastes money like you cannot believe, for instance we live far from stores and doctors and yet instead of scheduling things for one day, he every day drives his gas guzzling truck for one thing and then goes back, stops at McDonalds spending $30 buying things for the kids, convenience store etc…
He lives like he is a multi-millionaire and I feel I have all the responsibility to be financially responsible and earning money. I think because he came from nothing it would not bother him an iota to spend every last dime because he is always just trying to get that high he gets spending money.
He also tells me things like where am I going, no one will want me, it will be the same with anyone else which I know are mind games to control me but I need to know because he thinks he can do whatever he wants and not have to ask, he thinks because he is the man he can do that. He is not even earning any money.
Please Tell me what you think her, I need to hear it.
Asked by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Jan. 30, 2013 in Relationships
Answer by tessiedawg at 10:06 AM on Jan. 30, 2013
Answer by LostSoul88 at 10:12 AM on Jan. 30, 2013
Answer by ohwrite at 10:16 AM on Jan. 30, 2013
Answer by booklover545 at 10:22 AM on Jan. 30, 2013
Answer by Im-HiDdEn at 11:56 AM on Jan. 30, 2013
Answer by Alisim at 12:06 PM on Jan. 30, 2013
Answer by admckenzie at 4:07 PM on Jan. 30, 2013