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How do I let go of my anger?

My mother in law told my husband she did not want him dating me when we first met. She had never met me but did not want him dating me because I was divorced with 2 kids. At one point in her life she was divorced with 3 kids. She had baby showers for all her grandchildren, but not my son. Every time we have an arguement she tells all of her siblings and they are all cold towards me. She has apologized for her bad behavior. I just can't get over the fact she has another son who got with a girl who was still married and had 2 kids, they lived together and had a kid and then she divorced. I could care less of this girls situation. I would never had known she was even married if the mother in law had not told me. She never had a problem with this girl. It never bothered my mother in law. So why did she give me so much crap and such a hard time? I ask her and she just says she's sorry. I try to move past this but when we married hardly any of his family showed up. Any event for anyone else, everyone is there. It is because she had nothing but horrible things to say about me for the first couple of years. It would be so much easier if she was just a bitch to everyone and not just me. Especially when I had my life together when I met him. I was divorced, decent job and didn't need a man to support me.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Jan. 30, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • Wow. That really sucks. I am so sorry to hear that. It sounds like you have both done what you can. I know it hurts and I know you are angry and that is okay. It is okay to feel the pain of rejection and the anger over the unjust treatment. I would not so much try to "get over" your anger as I would take the time to separate yourself from his family. Give yourself space to grieve the loss of what you had hoped would be a good relationship. Give yourself the time to mourn the rejection and unjust treatment of his family. In that process you will feel anger. You will ask "what's wrong with me"? You will feel desperation to be accepted. You will feel more anger. And that is okay. That is part of the grieving process. Those emotions are valid and should not be ignored. And I think that once you really take the time to grieve and process your emotions, you will come to peace with yourself, his family, andthe hurt they have caused.
    theMOMmission

    Answer by theMOMmission at 12:39 PM on Jan. 31, 2013

  • This is so weird. We just had an anon post the other day from a woman who said she wasn't going to give her son's girlfriend a baby shower because she was divorced and had kids. I'll see if I can find it.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:40 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:42 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Right? It's just so strange that these two questions collided like that.

    You own the anger you're holding on to. I agree that it's tough letting go and, I'll tell you, I'm someone who believes that sometimes there IS no forgiving possible. But, in this case, I think you have to ask yourself if this is one of those times and, if it isn't, look into yourself to find some resolution
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 12:50 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Start hitting pillows for releasing your anger, the past is in the past, start new, forgive and forget, be the better person after all this lady is your hubby's mom and will be so forever, be smart.....
    older

    Answer by older at 12:39 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • that is weird Prissy... i'm hoping it wasn't THIS mil in that post the other day!
    DreainCO

    Answer by DreainCO at 12:46 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • ... CONT ... So, even while many people on DH's side of the family did not attend our wedding, I still went to every family event. I put on a huge smile. I fawned over the nieces and nephews. I hugged everyone in the family whether or not they wanted it, lol. I always went out of my way to say how happy I was to see them, and how it has been too long, and how lovely they look, etc. Yes, I went home at times and cried because of the rejection, but I knew, I would never be the person to tear apart the family. If they decided they did not want to reciprocate, that was on them and no one could look at me and point fingers. And it took time and it took heart ache, but now my relationship with everyone in DH's family is wonderful. I am adored by them and I adore them. Now, MIL tells me every chance she gets that I am the best thing that ever happened to her son and to their family. She is honored I choose them. ... CONT ...
    theMOMmission

    Answer by theMOMmission at 4:32 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • You have a right to be angry. Anybody would be. It's really hard to be singled out by family for bad treatment--been there, done that. But the thing is, holding anger is like taking poison and expecting the one you are angry at to die. It's only hurting you. So you have to logically decide that you don't want to be hurt anymore. Easier said than done, but the response can't be based on how you feel; it has to be based on how you *want* to feel, which is free of anger and resentment. To feel free, do you hold tight to the anger, or do you let it go? You have power over your own emotions.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 12:38 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • In the end anger ends up hurting me more, so instead of getting mad got even by walking away from the bad and making my life better. Learning new things and doing new things. Some people just do not get it or change. Not your fault, remember at least that.
    sunshine196

    Answer by sunshine196 at 12:46 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • OP, I can relate to some aspects of this. My MIL hated me when we were dating and did everything in her power to break us up. She is very religious and told me on more than one occasion that she was praying against us and that our relationship would fail. She prayed this up until the day we said, "I DO". There is an overwhelming amount of hurt and anger that come come with situations like this. By best advice is to feel the anger, grieve, cry over it. And then get up dust yourself off, and but the past behind you.

    I personally made a decision early on that I would kill the hell out of her with kindness, lol. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean you become a punching bag. I recognized that family is forever, DH loves his family and I was not going to be the one to bring the family down. If I had any say, I would be the glue that held the family together. ... CONT ...
    theMOMmission

    Answer by theMOMmission at 4:28 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

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