Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Am I still grieving all of these deaths i have had to encounter?

Last week, a co-worker of mine that i work directly with suddenly passed away at a young age in his sleep. I only worked with him for 4 months, but he was a really great guy and there are only 5 of us in this office so we are all very close. Aside from his death, my fiance and I have had 5 other deaths in the past 2 years. All very close to us. The one that hit ME the hardest was my best friend since i was a freshman in highschool got hit by a car and died all alone. We were inseperable always together and this was and is still veyr hard to comprehend. The other were my fiances grandma, his step brother (also young), his friend and his aunt & uncle had baby and she lived for 5 days and passed away.

This most current death of my co-worker has been hard on me. I feel like i have slipped into a depression and cant get out. I dont want to do anything, my fiance said i am emotionally separated from him and our daughter, i have been sleeping a lot and crying suddenly and starting arguments for no reason at all.

It's strange to me that my co-workers death, although every death is tragic, has hit me so hard OR if i am still grieving the deaths i have had prior to his and this just hit it on the head.

I still have not came to an understanding of why people have to be taken away from their loved ones and their lives especially at a young age.

I dont know how to snap out of this emotion I am in. is it normal? does it seem that maybe i am still grieving everyone else that i lost in the past 2 years?

It's so hard.


Asked by MomNbabyGirl009 at 1:32 PM on Jan. 30, 2013 in Relationships

Level 20 (9,279 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Tragedy and loss do trigger old wounds that still need healing. We all have an instinct to heal, which is what is happening (opportunity to heal) each time something in the present "triggers" us in some way. (This is why parenting offers us one of our biggest opportunities to heal & grow, because children's behavior & emotions trigger anger, anxiety, resistance etc. in us, and these defensive reactions are evidence of our old hurts & unresolved issues.) We often do not respond optimally and really engage in the feeling & healing process, (we often opt to distract, self-soothe, avoid, or disconnect through reactivity/anger or depression, which isn't a flowing-feeling-healing process of engaging & processing the painful feelings, but kind of a stuckness.)

    The wounds may even be earlier than the recent losses you mention. But yes, things in the present trigger unresolved issues that are waiting for the possibility of healing.

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:48 PM on Feb. 3, 2013

  • I don't think you allowed yourself to greive all of your losses because there were so many in such a short period of time. The coworker just reopened the wounds.
    I suggest you talk to a grief counselor. You may wish to speak to your Dr. about your depression like symptoms and he may be able to give you something to ease you back into your life.

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:40 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Wow, that's a lot to go through. Sometimes a new grief can trigger an old one. You might need a counselor to help you process everything and climb out of the depression you are in.

    Answer by Ballad at 1:40 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • It sounds like you are grieving.  Every one grieves differently and it  take everyone different lengths of time to get through.  You might need counseling.


    Answer by louise2 at 1:46 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • I'm sorry. It's difficult when anyone dies, but it's especially bad when they are so young. I think that being around so many deaths - especially young people - have hit you harder than you may have realized. It's a sad reminder of how fragile life is and how quickly it can end. Unfortunately I don't have much advice for you. :(

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 1:36 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • This is why you have to appreciate every day you are given & make the most of it. Love your kids & family with all your heart & let them know it. Unfortunately the older you get the more people around you die. It makes you very aware of your own mortality. My Dad passed last March & I am grieving myself. This week 5 other people I know passed away. All older people but it's like losing a part of you/your history. Hope you feel better soon.


    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:44 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Those feelings will come and go. As long as you have the memories they in some way are still here, Live the best you can for their memory Hugs It hurts, you can move forward

    Answer by sunshine196 at 1:59 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • At a funeral once my mother said to me "At every funeral you go to, you remember ALL the funerals you've gone to."

    And it's true. This was a family member that we were not very close to, but my mom and I were bawling like idiots, probably remembering my fathers services.

    But you also have to remember that there are people HERE, living people, who love you and need you.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:37 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Yes it could be that his death brought up other unresolved issues. Talk to a pastor, priest or a counselor or your doctor to help you get through this. Good luck.

    Answer by booklover545 at 10:50 AM on Jan. 31, 2013