Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

What to do with 11 1/2 yr old mouthy step son?

My Step son makes my life a living hell every morning. I try to help him by OK.. TELLING him what to do, to get moving effectively in the mornings, and albeit every morning he still needs reminders, he yells and screams at me NOT to tell him what to do or how to do it. If I don't, he stands there staring at the fridge wondering what to do with it OPEN even tho' everything is right in front. He has had the SAME routine now since school started over 5 mos ago. This is a daily routine. I tell him every night what the weather is and how to dress. I have even gotten up in the mornings to help. I am always awake, but not necessarily out of bed. My bed is a straight shot look into the kitchen. This morning he had a PLANNED 2 hour delay (as the last 2 days were unplanned and he was already up) , and I told him if he was going to wake up, as we have plans tonight to READ in his room quietly until 8am. He yelled at me and told me he had to GET OUT of bed and watch TV to stay on the same schedule of getting up every day at 630am or he won't be able to get up tomorrow. I am so MAD! I told him to get off the drama roller-coaster. But, maybe I am over reacting and I am on the control drama roller coaster, but I am so fed up with being talked back to and told what to do by an 11 yr old. It so irks me to no end. He is to wash his face with very warm to HOT soapy water as his face is broke out. I stood there today and he had just the a tiny bit of the center of the washcloth damp and NO soap, and then uses a cleanser. (Was wondering why his blackheads and acne were coming back.) He told me he DID NOT have to get the wash cloth wet! I am ready to just let him deal with the black heads on his own and quit spending extra money to use special cleansers on them until he learns how to wash himself. UGH. There are times he comes out of the shower in less than 3 minutes, same child who normally takes a 15 min shower, and then claims to be clean. Of course his dad will say nothing as it is HIS son and he can do no wrong.. And the son just keeps writing Sorry letters thinking that covers everything... What do I, can I do??? Help please..

Answer Question
 
Anidawehiwahya

Asked by Anidawehiwahya at 2:14 PM on Jan. 30, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 13 (1,115 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • I would say this, I responded not nice, because I made my step son's breakfast when he lived with us, it was up to his Father to enforce rules, not me! We talked to one another, and I asked him questions, I never barked at him, if Dad was working he knew he had to ask me, but for all other cases, his Dad was the "enforcer". He is closer to me than his own mother now, and one of the reasons is because he felt like he could talk to me, and I would listen.
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 2:51 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • lol when the fridge door is open we say, hurry shut it , the penguins are escaping. Its our way of saying shut the dang door in a very fun way so its not contant griping.

    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 3:07 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • He's dealing with hormones and puberty. It's like a girl and pms. Cut the boy some slack. It sounds like you are focused on nit picking on the kid instead of enjoying life with the boy in the house. Dad doesn't freak out at the kid. Maybe you should learn by dad's example. Boys don't need all that fru fru stuff. If he doesn't like washcloths then maybe he'll use one of those scruffy thingeys. All my grandsons have them. He'll be fine. Pick your battles with the child. It will reduce stress for you both.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:01 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Him and I talk way more than his dad and him.. We are very close, and we love each other very much. Just the mornings are very stressful. Even if I do get out o bed and help get cereal or his lunch together, it just isn't right enough for him. His whole life or at least the last few years he has HAD to do every thing for himself. He is more mature than his own mom (she has a learning disability) and usually does everything on his own over there and disrespects her horribly, which I have even talked to him about NOT doing. Now that I am here, I do watch what he does and I have instilled rules. He likes them and respects them, but after going to visit his mom, he gets pushy here, and he only sees her a few hours a week, (M & F from 3/4-7pm) Sometimes I wish they were 2 day sin a row, even tho' he can't handle it, It would be easier to "whip" him back into shape and stop the mouthing back and arguments..
    Anidawehiwahya

    Comment by Anidawehiwahya (original poster) at 6:35 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Thanks all for your comments. I will try to use some of these ideas, and will read thru them again tomorrow.. :) Will let ya know how tomorrow goes too. He goes to counseling tomorrow night, so we will see where that leads us.. :)
    Anidawehiwahya

    Comment by Anidawehiwahya (original poster) at 6:37 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • How did it go?
    daylily888

    Answer by daylily888 at 4:07 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • First of all I empathise with the issues you are facing. They sound very frusterating anf i have been through some of these same issues. First of all he is 11, he can and should be responsible enough to get himself up and ready for school. My son is 8, and on mornings i have to work, he can get himself up and ready for school. One day my husband was running late to take him to school and he took responsibility and walked himself to school so he wasnt late. (we live a block away, and he has an emergency cell), but the fact is we are raising our kids to be decent productive members of society. With your sons attitude I would pick your battles. A great book a parenting coach gave me a while back called Love and Lodgic, helped me so much with these issues. Its alot about natural consiquences and allowing kids to learn from thier own mistakes, ex if he doesnt want to wash his face right, he will be the one walking around with acne!
    aprilhdesigns

    Answer by aprilhdesigns at 9:14 AM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • HE has to get up by himself, get his breakfast and get to school dressed properly? WTF? Where are the parents in this situation. No wonder he is yelling. He is overwhelmed. He is a CHILD! Get out of bed and be a parent. Or get his damn father out bed but someone needs to take care of this child.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 12:00 PM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • Let him be the young man he is. You are controlling him. Stop.
    Wouldn't it bother you if your SO told you that you need to take longer showers, you need to use hot water on your face, and you need to take your sweater off because its hot?
    That would drive me crazy. You are not his legal guardian so no matter how hard you try he is not going to listen to you.
    If one of his moms/dads wasn't alive that's a different story but they are not so let them do their job and you do yours!
    That is: be the loving wife or girlfriend to his father and that is IT
    lullaby572

    Answer by lullaby572 at 1:54 PM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • I saw on Supper Nanny that if you're having a hard time getting them to wash their face, turn a simple towel into a cute finger puppet towel so they can enjoy receiving kisses.
    Also if you have Dad and child's permission to act as mom, try this chart
    http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Reward-Charts/-/Get-up-and-go/-/Get-up-and-go-Supernanny-Superstars-Reward-Chart.aspx
    lullaby572

    Answer by lullaby572 at 1:44 PM on Feb. 3, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Tweens (9-12)
I HIT my daughter

Next question overall (Food & Drink)
ThinkThin Divine bars?

Recently Bumped in Parenting
Stinky breath