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I can't go to the funeral, so please stop making me feel guilty over it!

My 100 year old aunt just died yesterday, the funeral is about 100 miles away, and my new company doesn't allow you just to take off. My mom is in the hospital recovering from surgery, and she can't go, I called and explained that it is impossible that I could attend.
She yelled at me, well if I died would you go? I was like Mom, I just can't, I already have set appointments with patients, and even though I have the same job, we are under new ownership.
She hung up on me.
I know she is mad, because said Aunt has been dying for awhile, but on Friday it is impossible for me to go, most of the time I could, but not with Friday's schedule for patients.
My Dad and her are not taking my calls at the present, what to do?

 
jerseydiva

Asked by jerseydiva at 2:56 PM on Jan. 30, 2013 in Relationships

Level 23 (17,712 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • A funeral is for the living... for us to process the death and begin to get some closure. It is also for us to be with others who loved that person, and gain comfort from being together. It doesn't "help" or "aid" the deceased in any way... Your parents need to understand that your inability to go is sad, and unfortunate, but it really affects only you... You could gain closure, and comfort, by going. Not going is simply a logistical matter... and not a sign of disrespect that they seem to be making it...
    Nimue930

    Answer by Nimue930 at 3:15 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Because she obviously works 24 hours a day rude anon....Let it go, send a card and flowers and move on. If you can't be there then make sure that the rest of the family knows that you wish you could be there through your actions.
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 3:04 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • ANON sit on it and rotate
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 3:03 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • is it possible your mom is taking out her own frustration at not being able to go on you? id just give them some time to get over it.
    okmanders

    Answer by okmanders at 3:04 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Sorry for your loss. And ignore grumpy Anon.
    liss05

    Answer by liss05 at 3:02 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • let them act like children. They cant expect you to drop your life and job to attend a funeral when them, themselves cant even attend.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 3:02 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Sorry for your loss.
    DJDNY

    Answer by DJDNY at 3:03 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • *Swats the Anon gnat.*

    I'd just give your parents time to cool off. Don't try and call them, maybe till the weekend. Stress from tough situations like death can make usually reasonable people turn volatile.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:15 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • If you can't go, you can't go, and if your mom's going to be pissed at you over that, then just back off and let her cool down for a while.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • seems CM does not interfere with your job.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Jan. 30, 2013