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What would you do? ::Autism/Asperger's School Question:: (long)

DS8 has Asperger's. He has had a lot of angry out burst that lead to melt downs this year. In these episodes he screams, cries, tries to run from the room and in extreme cases lashes out physically and has to be restrained by the teachers. ( happened about 3-4 times this year) He is a special program for kids with Asperger's. He spends a little over 1/2 his day in Reg. classes and the rest in special classes for other kids like him. He receives social skills classes 2 times a week plus he is part of several school 'social clubs' Anyway- the school is 100% set up for kids like him.

At the beginning of the year the autism teacher goes into the regular ed classes ( with out my DS or the other Autist child in his class) and talks about Autism/aspergers and how to be a good friend to a child who is different. No names are mentioned, nothing specific is mentioned... just a general talk.

Well, my DS special and reg. teacher feel the kids are starting to be afraid of my son to an extent. so his Spec. teacher has asked to speak to the class again but this time specifically about Carl. she needs my expressed permission to do this and says this is not 'normal' procedure but in a few cases she likes to suggest it.

I am torn. I don't want the other kids to be afraid of him and they have called him 'crazy' some this year but at the same time I don't want this to fuel the fire- so to speak... KWIM? I am leaning towards letting and her hoping for the best... but I am curious on others thoughts. As the parent of a child like mine- would you allow it? As the parent of a Nero typical child- Would a talk like this help create more understanding or cause more problems?

Any thoughts that pop into your head that you think I should consider would be GREAT.

Thanks for reading this!! lol. :0)

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But_Mommie

Asked by But_Mommie at 5:27 PM on Jan. 30, 2013 in

Level 44 (181,629 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • I would allow it, and maybe offer to be in the back of the class to answer questions as well. Kids can be exceptionally cruel and mean spirited to another when they don't understand what's going on.

    As an adult, in general, I can be a LOT more accommodating when I know there's something different, or off the "norm" in a given situation. My kids are a LOT like me too, they need/want to know the WHY of many things.
    Rosehawk

    Answer by Rosehawk at 6:08 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Yes K- she is an AWESOME teacher and I must say we absolutely love her to death. The way the Autism program works they are with one Autism teacher for 1-2 and another for 4-5 and in 3rd ( like DS ) they see both. So we have been very familiar with this teacher since DS started this program in 2nd grade. There is a lot of communication between us.

    Like I said we are leaning towards allowing it- everyone is making good points.
    But_Mommie

    Comment by But_Mommie (original poster) at 6:15 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • If she is that good, then go for it. I really don't think it could hurt at this point and it might help.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 6:45 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • Is she going to talk about:
    Class, you know how you get really upset? What do you do?
    People with SPD sometimes do "this".
    ^this would help kids with sympathy for those who are different

    or

    Carl is different so we have to treat him special?
    This may label the kid as different and the singling out you appear to be concerned with

    KWIM?
    Course in regards to my 3 kids- one would be like- whatevs. one would be more drawn to him. and one would be more concerned with, how does this affect my safety.

    But I have talked about my kids enough that you know their personalities and histories.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 9:03 PM on Jan. 30, 2013

  • if children are calling him crazy- having another name for it (with the knowledge of what it is) is a lot better than not knowing and using names

    without being in the situation, but hearing just much, i lean toward letting teacher speak to the classroom
    sounds like you have faith in how teachers have handled everything so far, and soundsl ike your gutt saying allow it
    trust your instincts

    can you get a dry run of what teacher will say- then you can add some points or take some out

    sounds like you have a very special and rare school
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:10 AM on Jan. 31, 2013

  • Have you asked her what she'd say or how she would talk about your son/the situation? I would say this would help most in deciding to give consent. Your sense of this person's concept of the situation & ability to communicate, and her sense of the difficulties the kids in your son's class have had, would seem important to me. If the comments are mostly about/informational, it might not facilitate the kind of change or insight you & the teachers all are hoping for. Would her approach engage the kids by connecting to their difficulties, or be more about explaining & telling them why they "should" behave differently?

    I might be open to talking openly, given the fact that everyone already is dealing with the truth of the situation & this is addressing an actual ongoing & developing/unfolding situation. But I'd also wonder about the possibility of a teacher (the classroom one?) responding more proactively in the moment.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:43 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • Yes, (I only saw pg 1 before responding) the contrasting examples that feralxat gave sort of illustrate what I meant by either engaging the kids by connecting to their specific difficulties & challenging situations (with Carl), or focusing on explaining the why's and encouraging them to behave differently than they have been (because of those reasons.)
    Of course understanding "why" helps anyone's context for a situation which can improve reactions and humanize a person who was solely annoying or "weird," before. But when there's a lot of frustration or fear, and the alienation that tends to be behind targeting behaviors, it is helpful to connect to the people who are feeling alienated, annoyed and/or stressed. Rather than "informing" them (as feralxat said) that he's "different so we have to treat him special." Normalizing their reaction is part of it. Facilitating things in the moment (when they're challenged!) is a big part.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 11:53 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

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