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Personal question: were you sexually abused as a child, how does it effect you?

I was molested by my moms ex boyfriend from the time i was about 8 or 9 until i was 12, at first it didn't really effect me, but lately it's been such a struggle just to get out of bed, i've just been a huge train wreck, i blocked most of the details out, but even the little bit that i do remember is horrible painful to think about...if you were abused as a child how did you deal with it, or if you are struggling like me how do you get by from day to day? i feel like i'm suffocating, i think the biggest reason it's been bothering me so much lately is because he was released from jail in august and is living like 10miles away, oh and he was in jail for something else, statuary rape of a 14 year old girl, he got 4-10 and served the full 10... Please help me cope, i feel like it's destroying my relationship with my SO

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Feb. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I haven't had it happen to me, but you should get counceling. Try one of the rape crisis center hotlines. They are there for all victims, it doesn't have to be recent. If cost is an issue, they will find you free or low cost options. My heart goes out to you, that has to be one of the hardest things to deal with, but the best revenge you can get is to help yourself and not let this man get to you your whole life. Good luck.
    chillemi78

    Answer by chillemi78 at 11:54 PM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • I was molested by 3 seperate men in my life. I had a hard time when my dh and I started dating. I would have nightmares constantly, but my dh has helped me with a lot of my issues with it.
    I also realized that they had control for that little bit in my life. I refuse to let them do so now. If I let it control me it is like they are doing it all over again and I will not and can not let that happen.
    The men that molested me were in my life a while after it happened. They all knew each other and were family friends. Two I considered uncles. One is the father to my cusion and now two live not to far from me.
    The thought is scary, but I also realize I am a grown woman now not a child that is easily over taken. I guess you can say to keep it all at bay I have the "I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR" complex.
    Don't get me wrong I do not forget nor do I want to forget. It is part of my life that has made me who I am and I like who I am.
    SandraBeth

    Answer by SandraBeth at 12:02 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • cont...
    Also, I have to remember to teach and protect my children. In the end all the advice I can give is take back your life. DO NOT let this man have you under his control. He is a worthless piece of sh*t and not worth one ounce of your life wasted on him. Also, as PP said counceling may be a good idea. Good Luck and Be Strong!!!!
    SandraBeth

    Answer by SandraBeth at 12:06 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Yes, I was molested repeatedly by my brother when I was 6 'til I was 8.

    I had a LOT of anger when I was a teenager (what teenager doesn't?). I felt my parents should have "chosen" me over him and cast him out to live on the streets or some crazy nonsense like that. The reality is that my brother was just a kid, too. He was a teenager, but he was still their child. And they did what they could to get him help I refused help at the time this all came out (when I was 9), and then my parents just sort of chose to forget it by the time I was a teen.

    Now I'm an adult. I'm responsible for my own feelings and I still hang out with (and sometimes even love) my brother. My brother wasn't a pedophile, he was an opportunist. I was just there. Basically, I chose to not let one period of my life DEFINE me, or my life. In the list of attributes that define me, "victim" doesn't even appear. I want no part of "victim."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • SandraBeth has wonderful advice. It has crept up on me at different times in my life. The hardest was when my step daughters (who I consider my children regardless of blood) were molested at their mothers house by her boyfriend. i didn't think I was going to make it through that. I have horrible night terrors, but my DH has helped me through them and they're rare now.

    If it is impacting your life this much, you should consider therapy. Really. There are groups out there who can help. Look for rape/molestation/incest support groups as well as victims rights info. Was he put in jail for molesting YOU? If so, you may be able to make him move. i don't know for sure, but it's certainly worth looking into if it will help.

    Find help. You can live through this. You don't have to be a victim, you can be a survivor.
    SamanthaAgain

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 12:25 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • I was abused - physically by a step father for years, and sexually by my grandfather from the time i was 6 until I was in 7trh grade. He killed himself when I reported him, but I was already "in the system" and we still had to go to court, etc. I'm not going to tell you it was easy - BUT - I was able to move past it and I have a very happy and healthy life now, in general with my kids, and with my husband.

    As far as how, what helped me get past it, any advice and encouragement for you, etc, that's too difficult to get into here with the restrictions that are on the question and answers section. Please feel free to send me a pm if you want to talk about it.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:48 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • One thing I do suggest though, whether you choose to send me a message or not - get counseling! If you think you can't afford it - think again! There's a lot of inexpensive, slide scale payments, and even free counseling out there for victims of sexual abuse.

    Also - remember that you were a child when he victimized you - you didn't have any control over what he did to you then, but you're an adult now, and you can choose to refuse to let him continue to victimize you by letting him have this power over you! I know it's hard, but with counseling and time, you CAN get past this, and you CAN reclaim your life and get him out of your head!

    Also, I would talk to your so about it, if he's a good guy, he's going to be understanding and encouraging towards you, and helping you through this!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:52 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • you take it one day at a time. i am 32 i was abused from birth tell i was 16. as time passes by it will get a little easier to deal with. find someone to talk to someone who you know is safe and will not pass judgment. write your feelings down. yell scream get mad about it YOU have every right to. no child should ever go through this. many people that have gone through this do get pass it. you need to be able to get your feelings out. don't keep them bottled up. that is not healthy to do.always remember you are special and a wonderful person that can and will make it though this. me and my family will keep you in our prayers.

    mommyand5

    Answer by mommyand5 at 2:21 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

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