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I am still angry and hurt with my son will I ever get over it?

My son left his wife pregnant and his nine year old son for another woman. I am so hurt with this cause I never thought my son would do this. I feel for my grandson and the baby on the way. I guess my daughter-in-law is getting over this but it hurts me so much. I cannot see how a man can leave his wife and family after so many years. He was locked up for three years and she waited for him. Sometimes I wish she would have left him, maybe I would not feel so bad. I cannot believe he is like his dad. A man he never saw but a few times in his life. To me family staying together means so much.

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faye366

Asked by faye366 at 12:32 AM on Feb. 14, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • I'm so sorry! I can't imagine the pain and the anger you have to be feeling right now. I think, if I were in your shoes - and this is total speculation, because I've never been in your shoes - that I would still love him, but I would be furious and disappointed in him, and I would tell him so - both the love and the anger and disappointment.

    Then I think I would tell him that since he's acting like a selfish child now, instead of like a man, you will have to step up to the plate and help fulfill his responsibilities, at least emotionally, as far as his wife and children are concerned, since he refuses to do it.

    I think I would also tell him that you hope one day he sees how wrong his actions are, and that even if he no longer loves his wife, he is not stepping up as far as his kids go, and you hope he steps up to the plate soon.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 12:43 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • So sorry for your hurt. We moms have alot of hopes for our sons. What you can do, is make a friend out of the wife, and enjoy the child and the new baby, but never pity the children. Pity is not love. Just be the best grandma ever and be the mom's friend. :) They will love you and you can build a quality relationship with them. But when your son comes sniffing around again, when he see's the light that the wife was faithful and that you have a good relationship with her and the children are being raised nicely, then lovingly tell him, he lost his chance. He was unreliable and followed his passions rather than his commitment. A mother can get away with telling her own child the truth, and hopefully he will hear. :)
    lifeasinoit

    Answer by lifeasinoit at 12:44 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Oh, my husband has inherited some traits of his dad's, too, and he barely saw him. It has taken us ages and TONS of counseling to get through some things.

    I know you are hurt, but just maintain your relationship with her and the kids. The nine year old will need counseling, so maybe you can help her out and run transportation?

    What you really need to understand is that it isn't your fault. You did the best you could with him, and he is an adult and has made his own decisions. HUGS
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 12:45 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Aww, I'm truly sorry and I hope he comes to his senses and sees how bad he messed up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • How a woman would date a man whose wife is pregnant is beyond me. Accidents happen, but toleave your pregnant wife and child for another woman? Oh no he didn't. I posted a question about this not too long ago.Man I knew I was right....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:34 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • As hurt as you are, perhaps you can use this opportunity to form a closer bond with your DIL? Show her by being there for her and of course your grandchildren, that while your son may have disappointed them, that YOU are a good person, and you do not condone his behavior/actions.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:59 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Maybe he just doesn't love her anymore. You should be there for him. He is your child. Help him support his children without having to be with someone he doesn't love.
    Chrissy629

    Answer by Chrissy629 at 11:15 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • I Feel that I have a great relationship with my dil and my grandson, but I know at times she seems to stay away from family events cause she needs to get on with her life. I try to bring myself to accept this. I can't seem to make myself understand why I cannot let go and meet his new girlfriend. He tried putting her on the phone the other day, all I could say was nothing, I prayed to God to please keep my mouth from going off on her and He did. All I said in a sarcastic was was "hello". Maybe time will heal, but my son needs to understand this and not force things to happen.
    faye366

    Answer by faye366 at 3:24 PM on Feb. 22, 2009

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