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Should I devulge to friends and family that I recently discovered my daughter faked her college graduation?

In 2008 my daughter graduated from an Ivy League university; or so we all thought! The family all attended the ceremony. It was a very proud day for her grandfather who flew thousands of miles in poor health to witness.

I have recently found out it was all one big elaborate lie! Not only did we all fly thousands of miles for this major occasion and spend thousands on airfare and accommodations, she was given graduation gifts amounting to nearly $10k.

Most hurtful and concerning is the depth of this deception. Her grandfather is so proud and this information would hurt him to the core; it certainly has crushed me! He adores her and continues to give her money to pay her $50k in student loan.

She does not know that I am aware of her deception.

 
Jomasjc

Asked by Jomasjc at 7:25 AM on Feb. 1, 2013 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 4 (31 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (24)
  • I don't know how she'll respond because I don't know your daughter but if I were you I'd give her a call and let her know that I'm not mad at her and would like to go to lunch or something and talk. If she agrees, take her out and very calmly explain what you know. Don't show any anger or disappointment in her, just let her know that you know. Based on her reaction, let her know that you understand how this must make her feel (as you said so here) and ask if she has any plans to finish the classes she needs and rectify the situation. Don't threaten to out her, don't put her down, don't upset her, don't upset yourself. Give her a chance to be an adult and fix the situation on her own. If she blows up at you at least you tried, and no I don't think running to tell the family is necessary but I would however find a way to stop whomever is helping her pay off any loans.
    maecntpntz219

    Answer by maecntpntz219 at 12:34 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • How did she pull this off??
    She needs to reimburse them,to some extent,for all that they did for her
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:29 AM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • She needs to apologize to everyone. and return all gifts and either make restitution for their expenses, or complete that degree. AND NOT TAKE ANY GIFTS or celebrate when she actually graduates.

    How did you find out? She should have told everyone ahead of time, they're letting me walk because I only have_____ credits to take before I graduate.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 8:53 AM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • How does one fake this?
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 7:38 AM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • I've never heard of a college allowing a student to graduate that did not complete their classes. Is it possible that her classes were completed but that she did not take her state certification test or bar exam or something to that extent? You can still be a college graduate and not take the test yet, I would not consider that a lie, you just need to reiterate to her the importance of getting back on the ball and getting her classes/testing completed so that she could get a job. I would not tell anyone unless you know for sure that she has no intentions of completing her education and it was in fact a waste and a lie.
    AnonNdrag

    Answer by AnonNdrag at 8:11 AM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • and how exactly did you find this out?
    tell her you know and that you expect her to tell EVERYONE and you expect her to either FINISH the classes or pay them back.
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 8:12 AM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • that is actually theft by deception btw, if someone was mad enough they could press charges
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 8:12 AM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • itis possible to "walk" with your class. They hand you a fake diploma or certificate if you are very close to graduating. I hate the practice, I think its dumb. You have not graduated, you dont walk but I have seen it several times
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 9:07 AM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • I call BS. They dont allow non graduating kids to walk the line and get a fake diploma. Get all the facts and proof before you turn the entire family against here
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:50 AM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • When I was in college my advisor encouraged me to go ahead and walk in graduation in may even though I had 2 courses to finish up in summer school. Otherwise I would have had to wait until December for my ceremony. Universities DO allow this.
    She should tell everyone and either take the course or return the gifts.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:12 AM on Feb. 1, 2013