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2 Bumps

How to handle this situation?

I have a really good friend but they are at a really bad place right now. They were laid off again at the end of December (again for the 4th time in 2 years). Thing is they keep choosing temp jobs. In between jobs, when they apply for places and get interviews they are rude and cocky at these interviews. He tells me how it goes and I am baffled that he says certain things during interviews. Then he is annoyed when they don't call him to hire him.
Since he was laid off in December, he chooses just to stay home and do nothing. He says he's done and won't get a job anymore. He is losing is place and moving in with his mother. He also has a teenage daughter and I feel bad for her He is so negative about everything. Now he is having talks about getting a life insurance policy that has suicide coverage and kill himself after the so many years are up. That way the money goes to his child.
I'm getting really annoyed at the whole attitude he has. He acts like life is just cruel to him and he isn't the problem. I understand he is depressed being jobless but this is the 2nd time since I've known him that he hasn't had a job and its a lot worse.
He refuses help, just complains all the time. Then always talking about killing himself, always acting like he has such a hard life.
I a very encouraging and try to help him but nothing is working. I am about done with this negative talk and him stone walling everyone and being an ass to his family and friends.
I'm coming close to ending our friendship but it worries me since I am one of the few people he has in his life. I know he has one other friend and then just his mom and daughter.
What do you think I should do? I have tried everything to help him and encourage him.


Asked by LostSoul88 at 11:43 AM on Feb. 1, 2013 in Relationships

Level 40 (119,496 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Don't play into the victim attitude. In reply to his drama I would just say, "That's your choice. I think it's a stupid one and I think you're being a dick, but in the end, the only person who gets to choose is you and the only person who can be responsible for your decision is you." And then walk away. The more he sees that you won't have his drama, the less he will bring it around you.

    I work with people all day long who are stuck in that victim mentality. By rejecting their attitude as invalid by pointing out that they have the power to choose, eventually they are forced to accept the truth that they are not victims and are in fact usually the source of their drama. When you refuse to play into the "victimization" by arguing or trying to convince him of how or what he should do or feel, you almost isolate him in the decision making process and when push comes to shove he will see the he is the only person to blame.

    Answer by theMOMmission at 12:46 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • I have had friends like this. It is a difficult situation. Maybe suggest a training program for a specific skill. Like medical or I surface jobs. Also maybe a therapist or job training program - try calling 211. Good luck.

    Answer by booklover545 at 6:49 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • I would slap him in the face with the cold hard truth. Life is what you make of it. NO excuses, no feeling sorry for yourself unless you are a prisoner in a work camp like those in Nazi Germany. Tell him to focus on the solution and stop focusing on the problem.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 9:10 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • I have some family that are just like that. The only thing I can tell you is that sometimes it's better just to leave it alone. People like that know how to take, take, take, but never give anything back. Think of it this way, if the tables were turned, could you rely on him? I bet not. I'm sorry. I do believe in tough love.

    Answer by m-avi at 11:53 AM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • thats a hard one, I have no advice just wanted to say sorry that you are watching a friend do that I am sure it frustrates you as much as it pains you

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 12:15 PM on Feb. 1, 2013