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Answers / Parenting / School-Age Kids (5-8)
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Anyone else have an @sshole kid?

Ds is 8 and he is a complete and total ass. I know he can't help it. He has ODD, ADHD and they are testing him for bi-polar disorder ( his bio-dad has it as does his bio dad's sister but they are not like him! ) but OMG I can not handle this kids attitude. He is stomping his feet and throwing his stuff because I said it was bed time and he could not watch youtube videos and if he kept it up he would loose all computer time for the weekend... well he kept it up so they are gone and now he is really being a butt. intentionally yelling to keep his sister awake and there is not a damn thing I can do about it. I could bribe and take things away until I am blue in the face but he will still do it. I could spank him but then he would fly off the handle and starting hitting me and his sister and it would turn into a physical fight- me spanking followed by him hitting- followed by me spanking... I am at my freaking wits end. The kid has been self contained in school since 1st grade and I have had him in play therapy and counseling since he was 5 and he started anti-psychotics last year. What am I supposed to do? All his school can suggest is waiting until he is 11 and committing him to an inpatient program that his insurance ( as of now) will not cover and I sure as hell don't have the money.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Feb. 1, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (50)
  • I live with one child that has ADHD and another that has PDD-NOS and ADHD so, yeah, I definately know how hard it can be to handle special needs kids. I would NEVER call my kids assholes, even in anger. Whether you think so or not, your son can pick up on your moods and they are probably not helping with is problems.
    Has anyone suggested Melatonin for him? I know it sounds stupid, but it is a natural sleep aid and may make bed time a LOT easier. You give it to them about a half hour before bedtime and out they go. Also, are you remembering the other half of the take away scale? You have to remember to REWARD him for good behaviour as well. It can be something as small as watching an extra 10 minutes of t.v, after a certain number of "good days" but it needs to be something that he will enjoy and like. You can't just discipline bad behaviours, you have to reenfoce good ones to.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 9:21 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 9:27 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • you can send him to my house, I will love him up, and maybe that will fix his problems, this reminds me of another quesiton, but who cares, YOU are the asshole not him!
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 9:44 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • You are messed up. Your child is too young to be tested for bipolar the meds for this are bad for the people who have to take them let alone someone who does not. Maybe parenting classes are in order.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 9:53 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • I have a son with aspergers. And I was for all intents and purposes a single mom. (My SO is very hands off with my kids)He is 18 now, but raising him was beyond hard.  I am not going to berate you for a poor choice of words. You're frustrated, you feel helpless and hopeless,and you see no way out. We all say things we regret, right ladies? I would recommend you try to get some counseling yourself if you can. A friend of mine who also has an aspie kid does, and she takes anti anxiety medication to help with the stress. I would also ask your son's doctors what you can do to keep yourself and your daughter safe. 
    musicmaker

    Answer by musicmaker at 9:55 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • He has a rewards system in place. We do sticker charts. he gets a little fish sticker every time he is caught being good. If he has 20 stickers by Friday he gets extra video game time. If he gets more than 25 we will go to McDonald's for dinner.

    He was diagnosed as ADHD at 6 and ODD at 7 by a psychiatrist who asked all kinds of questions and sent papers to the school to fill out and sat int he office with him alone for like 30 minutes. She prescribed the anti-psychotics last year when he became more violent. this was shortly after he broke the window and cut up his hands. She says he has all the indications of bi-polar but said it would be irresponsible to diagnose that before age 13 - which I appreciate other than it prevents us form getting more help.

    He is plenty loved but that makes it no less frustrating that he injures himself and others during his 3-4 hour rages or during his 'bad days' ...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:56 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • where he is easily upset and can get physical very quickly. We have a few days like this every few weeks- in between he is relatively 'normal' though he can still be set off easily and be defiant. I have been working with him as best I can as a single mother of 2. I cut my hours when he started 1st grade because no daycare would take him anymore- not for more than a few days. So I am with him all the time when he is not at school- and sometimes he gets sent home from school to. Thank God for FML and that his psych signed off as him having a critical mental disorder- unspecified.

    Excuse me for being frustrated, tired, and just in general upset by his behavior. I'm sorry if I am tired of being abused both verbally and physically by my own child. I am sorry if I am exhausted by the lack of help and support. I am sorry I can't be capable of liking him all the time. sure I love him all the time-
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:01 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • but after all I have been through with him- no- I can't say I enjoy having him all the time. He has choked his sister to the point of bruising her neck. He has had to have stitched in his hands. He has broken his arm punching the doors. He has given me several black eyes. He has killed our pet hamster. He has broken windows and screen doors and his bedroom walls are full of holes. You say you would take him and love him to death... he won't let you. He doesn't let you hug him or kiss him. He will sit with me from time to time and we will play games together but that is about it. Every day is walking on eggshells wondering what he will do next and how I am going to stop it.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:06 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • I am not in your shoes and so I don't know and being fed up certainly sounds reasonable. Frankly, I don't care if you refer to him as an asshole cause you're tired and at your wits end and chances are, we have all felt that way at some point. Sometimes kids can be a gigantic pain in the ass. You really do need some kind of help. Have you gone to the doc and explained just how difficult he can be and out of control? I'm sure you have. I wish I had advice but keep looking for help and answers and good luck.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:54 PM on Feb. 1, 2013

  • I can understand your choice of words. It is alienating to people on a forum like this but yes, you are venting. Being taken to task for how you express yourself tends to trigger irritation & defensiveness, which escalates the situation. This is the same thing that happens with your son when he receives a response that he experiences as negating (direct opposition), and the situation escalates dramatically. More connection in those obviously difficult & triggering times, combined with clear physical limits whenEVER necessary, can help to avoid the predictable escalation.
    Gabor Mate (Canadian physician) wrote a book on ADD titled "Scattered" which is about responding to/dealing with ADHD and generally oppositional & defiant behavior. You could skip the earliest chapters (discussion of how ADD originates) and go right to the "what to do about it" section for parents. It is basic, good parenting advice for how to avoid & minimize
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 12:09 AM on Feb. 2, 2013

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