Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

My son is adopted would i be wrong to keep his real fathers info away from him if it could hurt him?

I adopted my son when he was only two months old, he knows nothing of this father who is a sex offender ( molested a 7 year old boy) should i keep that infor away from my son or one day tell him the truth?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 AM on Feb. 2, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Answers (9)
  • I do not think I would tell hiim he is adopted until his is fully of age, if then. Certainly iof there were a medical reason but not otherwise.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:14 AM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • If it were me this is what I would do. When he asks about his father, give basic information. I would wait until he is in his 20's to go into more detail.  I wouldn't bring it up. Wait for him to ask. I do think it might be information he would want to know. He might feel hurt you didn't tell him if he finds out some other way. If he asks why you didn't tell him before, tell him you wanted to wait until he was old enough to know who he was as a young man, and see that what his father did is no reflection on who he is.

    musicmaker

    Answer by musicmaker at 2:20 AM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • He knows he is adopted right? I would let him know about his father when he asks about it, in an age appropriate way of course, I think everyone deserves the right to know their history, it would explain part of why he was adopted out in the first place, I don't believe in hiding from a child that they are adopted either, it does so much damage when a child is told this when they are grown rather than adoptive parents being honest about it from the beginning
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 2:27 AM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • It would be best to tell him he's adopted all along, but you don't have to say why his father had to give him up till he asks.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 4:05 AM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • I agree with the others. Give general information so he isn't blindsided that his Bio dad has done some bad things, but keep the details out for now.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 5:42 AM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • My kids are my bio kids, and their father was convicted of rape after I left him. They were still young enough that they didn't know. I will not tell them what he did until they are adults. They know that he did some bad things, that got him in a lot of trouble, but that's it. I feel they need to be full grown adults before they'll be able to really understand what he did and that it has nothing to do with them, is no reflection on them, and that they aren't like him. I would tell him he's adopted, but limit the details of the rest.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • You will definately want to let him know that he is adopted. You may also want to at least tell him that his bio father is a bad man simply o prepare him for wha he might be confronted with when he gets older. My real father is a child molester and from the moment people learned that I was his child, they would look down on me and judge me. I hated it. So, for his sake, I pray he doesn't live in the same town as his bio father and people don't know who he is.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 5:53 PM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • It is considered healthy and preferable to be honest about adoption. Age appropriate. Of course. You wouldn't tell any small child your father is a sex offender, rapist, or criminal. Or the whatever. You give only the small amount needed at that age. Then go from there. Seek out a therapist who is familiar with adoption issues to help you with what is appropriate for now and in the next phase of your child's development.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:37 PM on Feb. 3, 2013

  • Adoption is a wonderful thing. Out of all the children in the world you picked him! This is something to celebrate - not hide. I bought picture books like TELL ME AGAIN ABOUT THE NIGHT I WAS BORN. I read to my daughter that and other books from the time she was a baby. In terms of info about the birth parents YOU are the filter between the world and your child. There is no need to give him more information thn he can handle. That type of information can wait until he his an adult.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 11:12 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.