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2 Bumps

Curfew for my 12 year old step daughter?

Me and my husband have recently had a disagreement over my stepdaughters curfew. I have said before it should be 10 on weekends and if ANYTHING changed with plans, that should be communicated asap. Well last night her plans were that she would ride back home from an event with the friend she went thirr with. However we get a call 10:20, that her friend left and she needs us to come pick her up. I feel very strong that this is a huge deal, but my husband disagrees when i mentioned she needs to be disciplined over this, that we are just starting yo let her go out and do things, that we need to put our foot down now, he didnt want to hear it and with her being my step daughter i have mixed feelings what to do. I am legally responsible if this irresponsible behavior gets worse or if she is out past city curfew, or even i also worry, her being a girl, i should know exactly the plans and what is going on ?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:00 AM on Feb. 2, 2013 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (17)
  • Curfew? I cannot remember my daughter doing anything at age 12 that required issuing a curfew. My daughter is 16 and rarely out after 8pm on any given day. She is a cheerleader and has games and those are the only days she is out late. My daughter still does not date - they only go out in groups. 12 years old is too young to be out alone. JMO.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 11:01 AM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • I think 12 is too young to be going places unless there is another responsible adult in charge of her. I know that people are letting children go out at a much younger age, but they simply are not mature enough to handle it. I probably would not punish her for this time, but I would use it as evidence that she is simply not yet responsible enough to be allowed out without watchful adult supervision. I would accept responsibility for this time, but there would not be a repeat opportunity.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:43 PM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • Once it gets dark for a 12 year old. But are you her legal guardian? If not you cannot really set the rules unless her legal guardians are ok with it.
    ..but a 13-17 year old they must be home at 10 in my household.
    if they are not, they are telling me they are not ready to grow up and take responsibility so it will go back to curfew at 6, or when it gets dark
    lullaby572

    Answer by lullaby572 at 1:42 PM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • Yes I am her legal guardian, and yes it's all about communication, my husband came from a small town with no boundaries as a kid, but we live in a busy.city. I also just found out their was word at the skating rink someone threatened to bring a gun, so the cops were their when my husband picked her up. My first thought was , she didn't call to let us know about that, or that she wasn't going to ride home with her friend she went with. I just worry so much, I don't want to be the bad guy, but yes I feel if she can't see a situation is worth calling either parent then she is not responsible enough to be out on her own. But her father wants me to just drop this, and he is actually taking and dropping her off at an r rated movie today. I just don't know what to.do. It's causing strain in our marriage too because we see so differently on this.
    aprilhdesigns

    Comment by aprilhdesigns (original poster) at 2:28 PM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • Wow r rated movies at 12. What's next a baby, food stamps and section 8 housing as a single parent at 13? Fabulous!
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 4:54 PM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • Curfew is so subject. I am going to go by the responsibility level of my kids when they get that old, not by what other mothers are doing. That's just me though. The r-rated movie thing is a bit much though. Can she even get in without an adult?
    I would be more worried about your husbands apparent lack of knowledge about pre-teen girls and what can and does happen.
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 10:19 PM on Feb. 2, 2013

  • you have talked this over with her dad, but have you spoke to her about your worries? i think you should. i also think you should praise her for calling you when she realized her friends left without her. if it were my daughter (i have 3) i would go and confront the friends about why they left her.

    don't forget it takes time to find someone in a large crowd, and not to mention a phone. does she have her own phone you didn't mention that. maybe you should think about a prepaid for ONLY when she goes out so she can keep in touch with you and calls you the minute she thinks something is wrong. my oldest will be 12 the end of this year and we've already spoke about her going out too many times to count.
    noel1978

    Answer by noel1978 at 6:19 PM on Feb. 5, 2013

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