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6 Bumps

So I guess I am not good enough...:( (venting)

So my and DH were talking last night about the upcoming SB party and somehow or another we got on the topic of our house. A little background....My DH and I got this house last summer, the house he grew up in after his dad passed away. This house is old but in great shape, and definite upgrade from our last house, and much BIGGER! Anyway, for the past several years, it was just his dad living here, and he had a housekeeper come in 3 days a week and clean and other stuff, so the house was constantly clean and vacuumed. Now there is a family here, us, with a 4 yr old. For the most part she is good at telling me if she spilled something and I could get after it and clean it before it stained the carpet, which BTW is a really light beige color. Great color for just adults living here, not so good with a toddler/preschool child.

You mom's out there know kids will get into something the split second your back is turned. I have tried to allow for stuff such as crayon drawing on the wall, pen, pencil, markers...etc. But I am not super mom and forecast the future. One night she got a hold of a red marker and drew on the wall with it, the chair, the couch, her legs, part of her face in less the 2 min. I caught the marker on the wall and cleaned it before he saw it, but I didn't see the marker on the chair and couch. So last night he tells me he is tired of 'us' (me & dd) "'tearing shit up". When think off tearing shit up, I think breaking something, maybe a little hole in the wall, stuff like that. And the carpet he adds is ruined. I really try to catch stains as she does them, but sometimes I do not see it right away, or I can't get it up. Its a fucking 'LIGHT BEIGE' carpet!!!!!! I have changed her juice colors to allow if she spills it will not show up that bad if it stains, even after I clean it. Stuff like the CapriSun juice in a pouch. Its clear, so if she tries to insert the straw (very independent) herself, and dribbles a little, it will not be seen. Or any juice light in color. But the carpet is still stained, buts it not beyond repair. A good 'ol fashioned carpet cleaner will clean it I tell him, and he says its besides the point. Basically, stuff that is happening is cosmetic work. Carpet cleaner, paint walls, (need to be repainted anyway).

I am getting so tired of this. Ever since I moved here, I feel like I can't be good enough, can't keep it clean enough. He tells me his dad had lived here and managed not to mess it up (house). I bit my tongue at that point. (see housekeeper) this is twice he had said something, but never came out and said I was a bad housekeeper. But he of course doesn't help. Car magazines stacked on toilet, snot rags on the floor on his side of the bed, he washes clothes, his own. I do the rest of it. Oh did I mention I take his stuff out of the dryer and hang up his work shirts? And fold his clothes?  I clean everyday, well most days. Some days I do not feel like doing much. But there isn't a stack of dishes with flies everywhere! But I do cook dinner for him every damn night!

Then my BIL and SIL come over tonight, I feel like she judges me and how I keep up the house. I see she looked at her DH tonight and shook her head at the state of our front room. I had clothes folded but put away, and there were my dd's clothes on the bathroom floor, and dishes in the sink. I have had pneumonia and do not quite have the stamina built up that I had before.

Anyway, I am sorry I made this so loooooong! But its been buiklding up for a while now, and for those who managed to read this whole thing, thank you soooooooooo much for taking the time to read this, and comment. And I even put paragraphs in!!

(((((((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))))))))

Answer Question
 
Michigan-Mom74

Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 1:57 AM on Feb. 4, 2013 in Relationships

Level 34 (66,339 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • too worn put to say much more than this:

    Snot rag? Is he 50ish from Washington? Because SO has the same disgusting habit.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 2:12 AM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • lol feralxat....hes 49 from Flint! lol
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 2:17 AM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Kids do make a difference. It's her home. Things will happen. He knows that. We older folks don't do much to mess things up. He knows that too. He needs to lighten up. Maybe he thinks it's some shrine to his dad.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:22 AM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Ya thats what I was thinking admckenzie...if thats the case, its gonna be a long haul. Then if it gets real bad, I will try and find a good paying job, then he can stay home with her and find out its not that easy.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Comment by Michigan-Mom74 (original poster) at 2:38 AM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • I went through the same thing. It took a while for dh to understand but now that he has to help more his attitude has changed real fast lol. I'm sorry :(
    Hollyhock.

    Answer by Hollyhock. at 2:54 AM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • I am sorry to hear this but it sounds like you have made great changes this year moving and the death of his father and the problems with the bank and you have overcome them all.
    He may also still be grieving and not even know it. My DH's dad did this at the farm. His mother died and it was like everything had to be exactly as if she were still there. Which meant not clearing things out and not replacing a stove etc. I started with teeny tiny things and he is much better though not 100% on board.
    Your hubby maybe trying to hold on to t
    The way it was" and is having trouble letting it go and moving on to see it how it is now.
    You have been sick and of course you can't do what you would do healthy and you are feeling more sensitive.
    It will get better.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:06 AM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Grrr! That would annoy me, too. Tell him if he'd like to hire a housekeeper to clean for you three days a week like your dad had, you're sure the house will look just as nice as it used to.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 3:15 AM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Stop doing too much. Plain and simple. You teach people how to treat you. The more you do, the less he does. It's yin and yang. He'll get too used to you doing it. I would say to just buy washable markers from now on (no crayons) or paint the walls with washable paint and add stain protection to your carpet (the harder way). Only give clear liquids (white grape juice, water) to the kids when they can't be totally supervised. Otherwise, you should be able to still buy regular juices for when you can supervise them and make sure they drink it all without spilling.

    You need to stop spoiling your SO right now or this will only get worse. Let him live in his own filth. When people come over, clearly explain that it's his area of the house. Some public embarrassment might cause him to clean up. I'd frequently mention in conversations how messy he is, in a joking way of course. Lessons have to be learned honey ;-)
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 3:57 AM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Putting a load of his own clothes in the washer and then abandoning them there is not "doing his own laundry." At best, it's helping you put the occasional load in the washer, and at worst, being a shitty roommate who hogs the washer with his mildewing clothes.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 8:24 AM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Maybe he needs a day or two at home with her by himself. Maybe it's time for you to go visit your mom/sister/cousin/friend from college for a weekend and let him see just how hard it is to keep house with a child underfoot. Then maybe he'll be more appreciative of all you do. And if he somehow manages to handle it better than you - well, then, hey, you can go get a job and he can become a stay at home dad. Bet he won't continue to be better than you for long. lol

    Seriously, he doesn't know how much you do because he doesn't see it. He only sees what you don't do because you don't do it. So you need to not do any of it, so he can realize just what you do and quit being so damned nitpicky.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:57 AM on Feb. 4, 2013

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