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How can I get my 5 year old daughter to stop wetting her pants in school and using the bathroom too frequently?

My daughter will be 6 in April. She started Kindergarten in the fall of 2012 and since then she has wet her pants in school multiple time. I have had numerous calls and notes from her teacher about her frequent bathroom use and pant wetting. She's been to the doctor and does not have any medical issues. I'm wondering if this is an anxiety issue or if she's getting bored. I'm so frustrated I could cry :( Today's call from the school nurse just made it so much worse. She doesn't do this at home it's only at school. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

**A little bit of extra history: Her father died when she was 2 going on 3 in front of her. To my knowledge she doesn't remember much of it. He had a massive heart attack while sitting on the sofa. She was also an only child up until July of 2011. She's an amazing big sister and I do my best to give both of my kids equal attention... but now that I think about it this may be an attention thing? I'm new to this whole thing and I'm not getting any help from her teacher. Her teacher nit picks everything she does. I'm beyond frustrated**

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Asked by nevensonmn at 6:02 PM on Feb. 4, 2013 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 1 (2 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Check with her dr.

    Answer by escuchar at 10:57 PM on Mar. 21, 2014

  • If you describe the teacher as nitpicking "everything she does," then it's likely that this perception you've picked up from the teacher's attitude & response is something that your daughter is experiencing daily. You may have a sad & stressed girl on your hands.
    It also sounds like this is an "issue" area for her, given her patterns of holding & wetting before school started. So there probably is some tension around it in general (making it the most likely form for her feelings of distress to take.)

    Also, the loss you mention is a serious one. Whether or not she "remembers" much of it in a narrative, conscious sense, there is no way she "doesn't remember" the experience of fear, and the subsequent unavoidable loss. As well as any tension/fear/anxiety aroused in others (adults) around the issue as it concerns her. This is stuff she carries, & unresolved trauma is very vulnerable to later triggers that cause it to "balloon."

    Answer by girlwithC at 5:52 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • I have a child that had to be completely retrained. She came to us as never been potty trained at the age of 5 1/2, custody was returned to her mother for 4 mos and then back to us. When my parents had custody during Pre-K at 4 1/2 she wasn't trained then either. She would wet her pants at the minimum once a day. I took the time to retrain her. We have only had 2 accidents this month. If this is only a school issue then I would periodically pop into the school and witness what is taking place. If she is asking to get a drink and go to the bathroom that frequently she has figured out how to get out of class and away from her teacher. The issue itself is more than likely the teacher. You need to have this looked into. Good luck!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:50 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • These are all good answers. I was going to agree about the urologist. That said, the school in our area is AWFUL about letting kids use the bathroom and yet they insist they have a water bottle at their desk all day. If she's drinking a ton at school, she has to go. Some bladders aren't the strongest at that age. I could be that simple. Back off the water and see if there is ANY difference. Also, I'm really sorry for your loss. : (

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 8:08 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • If her teacher is nitpicking her, that could be a big part of the problem. My DD had a similar issue in kindergarten. Without talking to DH & I first, FIL talked to a DHS/CPS worker - she told him that it can be a neglect issue on the teacher's part. What you need to do, if the teacher & nurse are downplaying the issue, is go to the principal. If the principal is of no help, go to the school board. If the school board doesn't resolve the issue, then turn the teacher & school in to DHS/CPS. It's a long process and some say it can't be done, but you can report a teacher/school for neglect if your child is having too many accidents only at school.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Has she been tested to type II diabetes?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • well she's constantly asking to go to the drinking fountain. I got a call from the school nurse this afternoon saying that she's having to go to the bathroom almost immediately after getting a drink of water. While potty training she would hold her urine until she couldn't hold it any more and then she'd wet her pants. She stopped that right before starting Kindergarten and shortly after starting school...the wetting began.

    Comment by nevensonmn (original poster) at 6:52 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • If they are letting her drink to much water and not letting her go to the bathroom enough, that probably is the problem.  I heard teachers do not let the kids go to the bathroom enough.


    Answer by louise2 at 6:45 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Her teacher says she's going about every 20 minutes and/or saying it's an emergency. She drinks a lot of water at school but not all that much at home.

    Comment by nevensonmn (original poster) at 6:42 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • I would want to know how often they are allowing her to use the bathroom. I would also want to know if she is drinking more than a normal amount of liquids. If it doesn't happen at home, I would be very suspicious of just how all this is being handled at school. I might even ask to be allowed to observe on a few occasions to learn exactly what the problem is and how it is being handled. One person's idea of "too frequent" might not be the same as mine. This just doesn't smell right to me!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:31 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

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