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2 Bumps

Maybe I'm just insecure?

My boyfriend of 1 year has an ex wife he's been with for 9 years. The 9 year relationship had a lot of cheating going on. They cheated on each other, and acted as if they were single, but they still lived together. I mean, its crazy still. Although they saw other people, they still managed to stick together for 9 years. Her being 28 now, and he's now 31. They've been broken up for 2 years because she had gotten pregnant by another man. They have no children together.

We had a lot of problems in our relationship because these two were talking. I don't know how many times they've talked since we met. About what, and how long. But in the beginning of our relationship, I had asked him why? He said they were together for almost a decade. They been through a lot together.

He claims hes been over her for a very long time now. I believe its been 7 months since they've talked. He promised he would never talk to her again. But for some reason. I don't think they will ever ever stop talking. Even if 2 years go by, I believe they will eventually start talking again.

I'm very insecure about these two.
Do I have my reasons to be? 9 years is a very long time. And obviously these two were madly in love with each other! Although he says the way he feels about me, hes never felt before....

I guess my real question here is. Will he ever be able to love me like he loved her or even more? Considering they were teen sweet hearts and everything!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:59 PM on Feb. 4, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • It's a little troubling but if he's with you then take it how it is.other than that is your relationship good?

    Answer by funlovinlady at 10:01 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Yes. The relationship is great now!
    He's changed a lot for me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:03 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Then I wouldn't worry about it. At the end they may speak but you have to trust in his love for you

    Answer by funlovinlady at 10:09 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Your only dating, so take it slow, go in with both eyes open, don't ignore any orange or red flags, and most importantly trust your instincts!!! I think it would always be a concern seeing your in a relationship with someone who was a serial cheater in his marriage. Lastly dont settle for less than you deserve!

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 10:14 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • It's not unique to have this situation and they may talk again BUT they probably also know they will never work. 9 years taught them that. At some point, you have a choice to take a leap of faith in this relationship or worry yourself to the point you ruin it.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 10:17 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • Yeah. Watch out for cheating.

    Answer by staciandababy at 11:29 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • I feel that once a cheater always a cheater and I would not be with him in the first place. That is me and my feelings. I wonder if you aren't having some of those issues and simply do not recognizse them as that?

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:47 PM on Feb. 4, 2013

  • I think it's more than your being insecure. I think that deep down inside, you simply know that you can't trust him. I'm a big believer in going with your gut. So, I would break this off now before I invested any more time or emotion in someone that you probably will never be able to fully trust.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:36 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • Personally, whether or not he talks to his ex would not be the issue for me. The issue for me would be that he cheated on his ex repeatedly. That tells me cheating is something he enjoys and will always do - meaning, he will cheat on you. That would make me walk away.

    I think you're worried, not so much about him talking to his ex, but about what talking to her might represent. Talking to her - or any woman - might be the first step to cheating, and I think that's what worries you. And I don't think that worry will ever go away. So you have to decide if you can live with that worry permanently.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:47 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • I think things (in terms of his future actions) depend a lot on how he sees & understands cheating, and how you feel depends in part on how YOU see & understand cheating. Because cheating is a part of his past, and part of a significant relationship that spanned most of his adult life.

    I am not comfortable stating "once a cheater, always a cheater" because I very strongly believe that does not have to be true, but still, I recognize that it is a saying for a reason. I would never say that it's not statistically "true" (because it is!) and I wouldn't insist that people are NOT likely to repeat cheating behaviors, even when they have the best of intentions. (The fact that they very often do repeat those behaviors is the reason for the saying.)

    I think with insight & self-understanding, real change can happen. But that implies really understanding what drives the behavior & responding differently to the same triggers.

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:28 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

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