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4 Bumps

I was raped all throughout my life.

It started when I was 4-6 years old with my mother bf raping me in my ass, he said it was my punishment for being a bad girl. Then from the age of 5-10 age my mother would stick her fingers inside me saying there was something inside me that needed to come out. When I was 13 I was dating a guy and he knew I was not ready for sex so he took me to a secluded spot and raped me when I got home I quickly showered and washed away all signs of abuse and force... Mud, dirt,blood, who I was. I found out I was pregnant and lost the baby at 5 months. The dr's held the baby out for me and said it was a baby girl her name was going to be sage. I knew I lost the baby because my mother used to drug me and beat me repeatidly. Do you think since I have been through all this I will end up like her? It makes me sick to even think of raping a child or anyone for that matter. But I believe in guardian angels and I believe Sage is mine. Do you believe in them?

 
Im-HiDdEn

Asked by Im-HiDdEn at 9:00 AM on Feb. 5, 2013 in Parenting Debate

Level 18 (5,002 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • You need therapy. And believe me when I tell you that I am saying this with love.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 1:31 PM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • I think honestly you're freaking us out a bit. We're all scared to call bullshit because God forbid all this stuff really has happened to someone, but while we've definitely seen our fair share of weird shit come through this website it's not everyday that a new member pops up and starts making random statements as you have then all of a sudden divulging all this very deep, dark stuff. If this is really part of your therapy alright but you can expect anyone here to know what to say to all this. This is way beyond the range of "motherly advice".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:13 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • Anon #1 said what most of us are thinking. From the beginning, you have made people suspicious of you and you keep posting more and more off the wall stuff. I know a lot of people are afraid to call bullshit, but...
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 11:20 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • I think he meant to talk to other mother's in real life, this is a lot to take in for question after question, most everyone has issues to deal with, but it impossible to sort all of it out. I can tell that you are in pain, and I think you might want your doctor to direct you to a support group for rape survivors, and start there. To be honest it makes one fee uncomfortable to have pain pills, rape, cutting all in a row, because it makes it difficult to sort out how to be of help, and also to not be afraid of how you will re-act to it. I think if you are self-medicating with pain pills, and considering your history, you might want to make an appointment with your doctor today, your husband and your child deserve to have a healthy mother, and you should have a healthy life. YOU are the only person who can break the cycle, maybe some in-patient treatment is needed.
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 9:42 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • Her husband has anger issues, she was ready to leave him not long ago. I pray none of this really happened, im not calling bs however I do not see any therapist telling someone as broken as you seem to be to HELP anyone else, I also have never been tols to take my time qllowong myself to get used to pleasures my spouse wants that were tje sick actions of an abuser. Never stop getting help, it is evideny you need it!
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 10:59 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • I believe that if you are strong enough to survive your childhood, you are strong enough to be the kind of person and mother that you want to be. You might need some help. I hope that over the years you've had counseling. If not, this would be a good time to start. No one should abuse any child, but parenting out of fear that you will is not a good way to parent either.

    You deserved for your mother to protect you as a child, and possibly she was abused and damaged herself, but nothing excuses what was done to you. In order to prevent history repeating itself, you need to find the love and nurturing that you didn't get as a child. Please find a counselor or a support group that can help you to deal with your past and have the future you deserve.

    Big hugs sweetie. I wish you the best.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 9:06 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • Do you think since I have been through all this I will end up like her? It makes me sick to even think of raping a child or anyone for that matter.


    you answered your own question, although it is one you should ask a psychiatrist and not a bunch of strangers on the internet.


    . Do you believe in them?


    no. and honestly how are you going to ask questions like "what's your favorite animal" at the same time you state that you cut yourself and were raped all your life?

    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 9:12 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • Have you ever spoken to a Therapist/Psychologist or Psychiatrist? I think that you NEED to in order to help you get a handle on yourself & help you to live a healthy life. Do it for your children.
    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 9:30 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • realize my husband is not going to hurt me and now I actually enjoy anal sex sorry if thats tmi. Whenever I start to feel frightened I slow down look at my husband and he knows to tell me he wont hurt me he loves me and we can stop if I want. He is very understanding and helps me with those problems


     


    did you not post before that your husband has been abusive to you?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

  • Aren't you writing a book? Is this part of the research?
    PandaGwen

    Answer by PandaGwen at 11:01 AM on Feb. 5, 2013

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