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problem with mil

Last night my mil decided to call my cell phone at 11:30 p.m. (which woke me up but luckily not my ds) and left a message that said that she loved us but wasn't sure if we loved her b/c we never called her back when she called us. when i woke up this morning i told my dh about this message and he said that when he switched his sim card to his old cell (other one wasn't working) he had a few messages on there from her, but either way she has our home phone number and we're in the phone book if she would just look. She did a lot of terrible things to my dh when he was young and now that i have a child i have grown away from her b/c i cannot see how she could do some of the things that she did to him, but to call at 11:30 and say that we didn't love her!? It just does not seem any way right. anyone else have problems with mil or not trust her?

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Asked by smltwnmom at 1:19 PM on Feb. 14, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • my mil is stalker grammy. she is constantly showing up at my house without calling telling me how everything i do is wrong. the problem is we got along so well before i got pregnant. its to a point where if she calls and my fiance isnt home i ignore the calls and dont return them because she drives me insane

    Answer by Kennadismom at 1:39 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • It doesn't seem normal to call someone at 11:30 at night. Something is wrong there. She may be feeling neglected if she has left calls and not been answered- that is very frustrating. (I left a job because my boss couldn't be bothered to return my calls about things that she was supposed to be in charge of where I was teaching.) So apologize for not returning the calls, say you never got them. But a more serious issue to me is her calling so late, this seems as if there is a mental problem going on, maybe she needs to get a medical checkup. And do be careful about returning calls, it is respectful, and it is the right thing to do. About how she behaved in the past. I agree that negative feelings are natural about that. All you can do is to be civil.

    Answer by Bmat at 1:45 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • i had to put a stop to mine coming by...she would call late and when we wouldn't answer she would just show up...It didn't help that she lived in the apartment building right next to our...but she would come over and expect all kinds of attention...I'm sorry i have kids and my house is winding down at 9pm. I wasn't about to keep everyone up so she wouldn't feel neglected....she would also call and leave messages similar to yours...It got to be a real problem...I tried to be as nice as i could but finally realized that the only way things got through her head even the slightest bit was when i was very firm...

    Answer by Carli26 at 2:06 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • I do I do I do! My MIL is crazy! She is a over-bearing, possessive, "gotta have things my way", expert guilt trip travel agent, controlling, bossy, neat freak, picky, lying, woman who can't cut the cord with her almost 24 year old son!!

    Sorry was I venting?

    Answer by Momma2beauties at 3:23 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • My MOTHER is a stalker type! Ever since I COMPLETELY cut ties with her over 6 years ago, it's been non stop letters, cards, and threatening to take me and my hubby to court over "grandparent's rights" (which are non-existent!). My mother is mean and spiteful on a good day, and worse when she drinks. When I became a mom I quickly decided I didn't want my children to be around her, so I told her "goodbye" and NOW, all she wants to do is have a "second chance" but NOT with me, just my children (who don't even know her).

    If your MIL is harassing you and your family with all the senseless drama, you ought to either change your phone numbers, have your numbers unlisted, and have your HUSBAND tell her to cease and desist....have a lawyer send her an official letter stating your wishes. I've already done this.

    Woe is all I hear from my mother. She holds everyone else responsible for her behavior except herself!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 4:12 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Yes shes crazy. DH & her had a run in last Sunday-and DH has finally said no more. He's had 35 years of pain from her. She's called almost everyday this week-so sorry too late.

    I completely understand mil issues!!

    Answer by Wiggles_GA at 4:33 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • I have issues with my MIL big time. She was a terrible mother and I just have such a hard time forgiving her for all she did and allowed to happen to my poor DH. Thank God he has turned into a wonderful guy and has made something of himself in spite of her.. I think people may think that I am being a B!tch because I don't speak to her and have blocked her emails, etc, but once I tell them some history, then they understand... I am actually a VERY forgiving person, and had come around to trying to have a relationship with her a few years ago, but then she pulled some crap with my poor SIL (who I have a good relationship with) and the betrayals just never seem to end. I am pretty much done with the woman. I hate to feel that way, but that is just how it is. So, yes, I feel your pain, and we actually (well my DH does) get phone calls, and emails saying "You don't love me" etc.. but what does she expect???

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:25 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

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