Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Adult Roommate question.

If you allow someone to stay with you (a friend) just to help them out, and they up and leave without any notice, maybe because they found someone else to stay with is that rude. You have a payment agreement that is agreed upon and because they just up and walk out the bills the other person is now in a bind because they were unprepared for the change. DO you not have to give a apartment complex notice when you deciding to break your rental contract? And if the person only removed themselves, their furniture and personal items still remain how would that further affect the situation.

The individual that up and left is in their late 40's a previous homeowner that was newly divorced, and in need of a place to stay following the divorce. They have never held up to responsibility at 46 owning no transportation having to be given majority of their belongings. The other person involved feels that the 46 year old maybe did not realize their actions.


This is not a legal matter, but a matter of principle would you consider a person who does this a friend, or consider helping them in the future.

This is a third person situation. I am not the individual involved, I am asking for someone else. Please be mature. Thanks.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:14 AM on Feb. 6, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • The principle of a good friend is this: sometimes a person who is good friend doesn't always have good friends. Sometimes they get taken advantage of. The only way to not be taken advantage of is to really see people for who they are and approach the situation accordingly.
    It is apparent this roommate has a history of leeching - 46, no car, no personal items they bought for themselves, and needing a place to live. That is a recipe for disaster. In this case, tough love would have been more "good friendly" than allowing himself to be taken advantage of. The signs were written on the wall and your friend chose to ignore them. It would be RIGHT for your friend to take this roommate to court to hold him accountable for his actions. Only in this way will the roommate begin to see his wrongs, otherwise it's another successful leeching session which allows for future leeching to continue

    Answer by daylily888 at 11:53 AM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • honestly- that's jacked up, but you should be able to pay the bills and rent on your own if it's your apartment. Helping someone out should not mean you end up relying on them for the money *I would consider it an added bonus kind of thing

    now- if their name is on the lease- THAT is a whole other issue

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 11:18 AM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • That's the risk you take when living with a roommate - friend, acquaintance, someone you are helping, or best buddies. IF the other person doesn't hold up their end, you get stuck with paying if you want to stay their. Even if the other person was on the rental agreement with the leasing office, they don't consider rent in halvies... they don't care who pays as long as it's paid in full. YOU can go after your roommate, but the apartment complex doesn't care.
    Same goes if their is just a person to person written agreement - you can take the roommate to court, but that's just about it.
    People don't always act decent and do the right thing. Many people just have their own best interest in mind. It's unfortunate, but true

    Answer by daylily888 at 11:29 AM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • She did!
    Those 2 were 2 peas in a pod. My sister was no angel - they both were just getting by. They both had a drinking problem, they both were coming out of a relationship they messed up, they both didn't make enough money and felt they were victims of their circumstances. The roommate didn't care what the circumstances were, she just knew she couldn't pay her own way and instead of finding a viable solution, she decided to pursue what she thought was right. People aren't always logical - they are sometimes self-serving only.
    You can't reason with an illogical person - just like the OP's friend's roommate. You just have to then due what is right for you and schluff the leech in your life.

    Answer by daylily888 at 11:49 AM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • Was the person that up and left on a written rental agreement or was it verbal?

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:17 AM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • Yeah it was rude, but if they aren't on the rental agreement then there is nothing to be done legally. I guess you could hang onto their stuff, but I don't know how that works.

    Answer by kmath at 11:18 AM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • Was there a written agreement? Or even a verbal one? If there was a written agreement, and it was spelled out what was due when, and to give notice, the the person left behind would have legal recourse to take the roommate to court and sue. If there was even a verbal agreement, they could give it a shot - it might not work, since it would be their word against the roommate, but they could try. But if there's no agreement, or the agreement doesn't spell out that they had to give notice, then the one left behind is pretty much screwed. If that's the case, I would suggest chalking it up to a lesson learned and in the future, if they get a roommate, make sure to write up a written agreement and stipulate that at least 30 days notice has to be given if the person wants to move out.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:20 AM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • I believe it was written but he's not going to uphold him to the agreement, I'm just trying to prove to him that it is not right. Friend, family whatever you call it, you do the right thing if someone is doing you a favor to help you out.

    And yes I agree with him being able to pay everything on his own, which he was able to but because he left right before the bills came and it was December so he'd already spent his money buying xmas gifts he was unaware of the situation.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:20 AM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • This is not a legal matter but a principle. I am asking as a friend would you still consider helping out someone whose done this to you.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:21 AM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • My first thought:
    (for clarity, we'll call your friend Sally and the friend she helped Mary)
    Sally decided to help Mary in a difficult time, also benefitting by charging a part of rent/bills. If Mary would have never moved in, would Sally have found a different roommate? If not, then life resumes as normal, if so she needs to stop talking about Mary and how she just up and left and looking for a new roommate.
    Sally needs to tell Mary that she has 1 week to come retrieve all of her stuff or she will have to give it to goodwill. She needs to tell Mary she's not a storage unit and if Mary is gone, her stuff needs to go too.
    Sally needs to learn from this - all signs point to the fact that Mary is a mooch and mooches don't change their colors quickly. Mary will take advantage of what she is able to and not think twice. She doesn't consider other people, only considers that which benefits her.

    Answer by daylily888 at 11:23 AM on Feb. 6, 2013