More than a few years ago a friend of mine moved in with me because she and her mother had a fight. This friend had no children and mine were very young. She worked part time in a store and paid me 1/2 of the rent only. No money for utilities, cable/phone/net or food. It was ok for a while but then I started getting upset because she would bring friends over, have her bf spend the night. She fed him and her friends food that I bought on food stamps, she had a 13" TV in her room with a DVD player, and I had a 27" in the living room with cable. I would come home from work and she and her friends would be in the living room watching a DVD on my TV and when I asked her to watch it in her bedroom so I could watch cable she refused because her TV was too small.
She complained that I didn't wash the shower after I used it, she complained that I left dirty dishes in the sink over night and washed them in the morning because they had to be washed that night or they were gross. She complained that I would stay up all night and sleep in the am, (I worked 3rd shift). Then she started delegating internet usage, telling me what hours I was allowed on it and what hours she was allowed on it. I had issues with this because she didn't pay the internet phone or cable bills. She said she had a cell phone and didn't have the money to pay her bill plus part of mine. So I figured if I am paying ALL the bills, she had no right to tell me that my Internet time was up. She didn't even have a computer, she expected to use mine!
Now she has two very young kids ones a baby and ones like almost 3 and her husband kicked her out and she asked if she could stay with me. I have room in the basement that she could make into a small apartment but the deal is that she does not want to work. She said that I could pick up extra hours at work because she would start babysitting for me. This I feel is not a help because the extra money I earn would be used to support her and her two kids. She says that she feels she needs to stay home with her kids right now because they are so young. She said when she starts getting CS she can help out some but that could take months.
The other issue is I don't like having rules and being told what to do. It's my house and I should make the rules. I don't want an issue where she is telling me when I have to go to bed, that I need to keep my dishes washed, who I can have over and I don't want all of her friends in my house eating my food and watching my TV. I like being alone with my two kids and I like my privacy. So I told her no that she has to find other arrangements. She said that is fine but I can tell she is hurt and a little angry by my response. I just don't want to get into another situation where I am just a meal ticket and a door mat even though she says things would be different now because she is more mature.
Am I being selfish and unreasonable? Would you trust this person again if you were me? I want to be a good friend but I am too set in my ways and I think it would just cause friction between us.
Answer by anng.atlanta at 11:52 AM on Feb. 6, 2013
Answer by winterglow at 1:46 PM on Feb. 6, 2013
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