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4 Bumps

Seriously confused.

My ex and I have been split up for 2 years now. We went our separate ways when we just started fighting over little things. I didn't think that he appreciated me. We also had a baby together and we were always stressed. We went on like this for about 1 1/2 years before I moved out. After I moved out we would still contact each other but after a while we just didn't communicate at all. He started dating someone and that ended about a year ago. We are on good terms, he has our son every other weekend and we are civil.

The other day he came by to drop off our son. He was asleep so my ex laid him in his bed. We got to talking. Next thing I know we are laughing about the old days. He asked me if I was seeing anyone. I said no. He said he wasn't either. He told me that even though he was with his last girlfriend for a year he never felt it was right. He said he always knew that he loved me still and he was just trying to fill the void. He asked me if I still loved him. I told him that I have love for him. I wasn't sure if I was still "in love" with him. He said that he screwed things up when he let me go. He asked me if I wanted to give us another try. I told him that I needed to think things over.

I didn't know what to say to all of this. A lot has changed. Our son is 4 years old now. He was just a baby when we split. If I was totally honest with myself I know that in my heart I do love him still. I just don't know if I want to take the risk of being hurt. I have not dated since we broke up because it was just so hard to get over the heartbreak. Also I was busy building a life for me and my son. He text me this morning asking if we can go somewhere to talk about what he said the other night. This has me so confused and I really don't know what to decide.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Feb. 6, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Commitment is the key, ask him to start "dating" you again, no sex, no anything but being with one another, tell him when he puts a ring on it, you and he can be with one another, but as far as in and out for your son's sake, you must really come to terms with EXACTLY why you broke up in the first place, if it was cheating or addiction or abuse, do not go down the path again, if it was young and dumb stuff, hey why not give it a whirl?
    jerseydiva

    Answer by jerseydiva at 4:24 PM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • people grow and change a lot in 4 years, maybe you two just weren't mature enough to handle being together and raising a kid then. Its always worth another shot if nothing else to provide a stable family for your son...but take things SLOW and work hard at getting to know each other and appreciating each other. A marriage takes patience and understanding and good communication, not just love and sex.
    DreainCO

    Answer by DreainCO at 4:25 PM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • We were in our early twenties. I was stressed from being a new mom and he was stressed about work. We didn't have a lot of money and everything turned into a fight. I think the time apart was really good for us. We stood on our own two feet, got good jobs, and provided for our son.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:26 PM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • Any chance to reunite a mom and dad is great. pending he's a good guy, go for it
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 4:27 PM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • I know it's a highly emotional situation,, but it might help to apply some reason and see if your ex is someone you want to change your newly built life over. Make a T-chart on a large piece of paper. Draw a line lengthwise down the middle, then another across the top. On one side of the T, write "Try Again" and on the other side write, "Don't Try." List everything you can think of, from biggies to things that seem insignificant, under the two columns. It may seem too analytical, but doing this activity without inserting your confused feelings into it can be a practical way to think through the situation.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 4:32 PM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • He can date you. I'm talking a good ol' fashioned courtship. NOT picking up where you left off.

    He can call you on the phone like a gentleman and ask for a Saturday night date. Do not accept less than that.
    PartyGalAnne

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 4:33 PM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • Why did you break up in the first place? Remember that. If you think that will not change if you get back together. Do not ever try. Just tell him, sorry, but no.
    I am like this, i left you for a reason. Not going to make the mistake of try you again.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:48 PM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • I agree. You two need to date - as if your son wasn't his. And I also agree about the sex part jerseydiva brought up. You let him know up front that you're willing to give it a shot, but you two have to start from scratch - he picks you up for a date, calls you the next day. You don't talk about "son" stuff on the date or the good ol' days. You can talk "son" talk another time. Tell him to date you like you weren't the baby's mama and you'll date him like his isn't the baby's daddy. Give it time to grow. Make sure the 2 of you can communicate properly this time. Arguments are bound to happen from time to time in a relationship, but make sure it's over something worth arguing over.
    daylily888

    Answer by daylily888 at 4:50 PM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • Good advice from above posters. If after all this time you are even entertaining it you should explore very carefully, for both you and your son's sake. The slower you go, the more likely you'll have a positive outcome, whether you end up together or not. GL
    tessiedawg

    Answer by tessiedawg at 5:24 PM on Feb. 6, 2013

  • Before agreeing to get back together, I'd be honest with him about your expectations in a relationship as well as your fears about re-ignighting your flame. If possible talk about some of the reasons you split up, if you two can manage discussing that without freaking out at each other that is a good sign.

    A favorite relationship quote of mine:

    The grass always looks greener on the other side. Do we ever stop to think why? Maybe it's because we neglect our own grass...sometimes we stop watering it and it dries out, sometimes we let some weeds grow instead of pulling them out and sometimes we fail to recognize that new seeds need to be planted where the grass has become bare. In order for something to stay in bloom you have to nurture it, no matter what side of the fence you're on.”- Joy Maniscalco
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 5:51 PM on Feb. 6, 2013

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