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5 Bumps

Is he too old?

I met a man when I was 19. He was 29.
I'm turning 21 this month, and he's turning 31.

I can't help to wonder if I'm wasting my time with him? We get along great. And we love each other very much. But I feel as if I'm wasting the 'best years' of my life, with him, while he already had his with another woman he spent almost a decade with!

Sometimes I want what he had. Someone I'm with while I'm young, and grow up with, and experience life with. He's already experienced his youth with someone.

Maybe I'm overreacting.
I just don't know. I think about it a lot. What do you ladies think?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:12 AM on Feb. 8, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • If you have to ask, the answer is yes, for you, he is too old.

    If it wasn't an issue for you, you wouldn't have to ask this question.

    Answer by theMOMmission at 12:14 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • Well I ask because I feel 50/50 about it. One day I love his age. The next I'm like "eh"...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:17 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • i think your apparently to immature for him. you are still at that stage in your life where you want to go out and do whatever it is that 21 year olds do.. if it wasn't a doubt for you then you wouldn't be asking! :) good luck!

    Answer by mampanda0422 at 12:22 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • If you are having these thoughts, you should explore them so you don't resent your boyfriend one day because you gave him "the best years of your life"--though I would have to disagree with that assessment. For me, life has gotten better as I've grown older. I've had two long term relationships, both with men ten years or more older than I am, and it never bothered me. But if it's an issue for you, that's valid; figure out why. Is your boyfriend less interested in, say, going dancing? In sex? Is he more slow-moving, less energetic? Or is it the fact that he already experienced his youth with another woman for a decade, a fact you can't change about him, that bothers you? Whatever you figure out the issue to be, then you'll have to decide if you canlive with it, but at least you'll know what the real underlying problem is. Oh, and if he's mature and steady, do realize that many men yur age will never achieve that.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:23 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • I think it has to do a lot with the fact that he was already with someone for a decade at my age.
    Ugh, I'm so pathetic.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:39 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • You are questioning your relationship before you are married it is time to look to where you will feel like you are not wasting your time.

    In reality if you feel this way you are wasting his time too.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:50 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • Ten years difference isn't so bad but then again I'm old. Maybe if I were your age I'd feel differently. I would think he's more settled down than a guy your age. It just depends on what you like. Try it. If it doesn't work then break up

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:54 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • Sounds like it's not so much the 10 year age gap, but your age and the timing, so it's not to say it wouldn't work, but you probably just need a couple of years to experience life, if you think about it a lot, chances are that's what it is. Think about it this way, you will never get this time back, so if your unsure, take this time for yourself, live a little, if it's meant to be it will still happen.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 6:44 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • There's a big maturity gap between 21 and 31
    he's most likely feeling settled into his life,you're just starting yours
    In 10 years it won't make a difference,but now it could be a big issue

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:22 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • I think if you are thinking a lot about it as you are, then more than likely if you do end up staying together you will resent him later for this. I would set him free so you both can move on with people that are right for you.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 7:28 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

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