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5 Bumps

How do I forgive myself for wanting to end the marriage?

It's been a grieving process. And even though I'm the one who wanted to end it, I'm having a really hard time forgiving myself for wanting to end it. I question whether it's the right thing to do and I feel that it is, but why can't I accept it for myself? Why can't I forgive myself for it?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:08 AM on Feb. 8, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Well I guess it all depends on what your reasoning was in wanting to end it, and what the circumstances were, it would be harder or easier depending on your role in the demise, also I guess it could also depends on how hard you fought to make it work.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 6:26 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • Well, why did you end it? It must have been a good reason?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:06 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • I know exactly how you feel. You kniow its the right things to do but als in your hearrt you still love the man. What you have to do i sdo the best things for you and your children and or tyry to ake it work out for a little longer but if your heart is not there then there is no sence trying. I am sorry you have to go through this.
    Im-HiDdEn

    Answer by Im-HiDdEn at 8:37 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • Honestly, unless you ended it in a not so honorable way, then IMO there's nothing to forgive. Marriages end every day. People fall out of love everyday. Ever-lasting love & true compatibility is rare. You deserve to be happy. And, your children deserve to be raised by a happy mother. Let it go.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 9:12 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • If you are having this much of a struggle with what you are doing, perhaps you need to rethink it. I can tell you this much: Having been married for more than 48 years, the "in love" feelings have come and gone many times, but the commitment has always been there and has kept us strong!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:20 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • There were many reasons why I ended it. We just weren't compatible, we were constantly fighting and we could never reach an understanding of one another. We both kept trying to compromise for one another in an effort to make the marriage work, but all that came out of it was more unhappiness. I just remember lying in my bed one evening, while he was tuned in to his game on the computer, not knowing who I was anymore. I had compromised so much of myself for him, I stopped associating with friends that he didn't like, I stopped feeling so much enthusiasm for the things I loved to do because I think he felt threatened by a lot of those things that I loved doing (writing, going to reading events, sporting events, etc. and he liked staying home). I am happier now that we have separated and feel like I'm getting pieces of my old self back, but there's this survival's guilt I'm feeling about being the one who ended it. cont'd
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:01 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • Like 3libras said, I need to let it go. I guess I just know how much he is grieving and hurting and that's what makes it hard to forgive myself.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:02 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • You made the desision to end it. You will just have to learn to deal with it. You said you are happier. Then you did the right thing.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:50 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • Well, for me, my failed first marriage made it more clear to me what I was looking for and what I needed. Two people, no matter how compatible, sharing life, the good, the bad, and the ugly, is never easy. Amy Grant said, "marriage was made for people, not people for marriage."

    Did you try counseling, you can only hold on so long if u are the only one holding on. In that case, you have to let go and it really is a greiving process. There is a divorce group here on CM.
    HHx5

    Answer by HHx5 at 1:10 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • You probably feel a bit responsible but here's the thing, it takes courage to face a ruined marriage and courage to change the situation. Once you realize what you did was for the good of both of you and really know and believe it, you'll feel less guilt. Look, it would have been easy to sit in a miserable marriage because it's what you knew. You didn't take the easy, albeit miserable, way out. That's a good thing.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 1:56 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

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