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2 Bumps

I hope I'm not alone here

I'm posting anon here because I feel bad enough as it is and don't need pm's telling me that I'm horrid.

I became a SAHM when dd was 3 months old. Since then, I get little time to myself. I'm at the point where I have no empathy for her crying but cannot just let her sit there and cry either. (not that I will do any of this) I feed like putting her on the porch and walking back inside and locking the door, tossing her across the room, punting her like a football, screaming back at her, smacking her upside the head...
NO, I will not do any of this but it does cross my mind every hour. When DH takes her, I still have a 5 yr old that wants my attention.

I have already scheduled 4 hours on Sat for DH to take ALL of the kids so I can have time away from all of them but I'm afraid that it won't be enough. I'm burnt out and want to leave for a week...not really an option since we ebf and she has a hard time taking a bottle.

Even now, can hear her making noises during her nap and I'm calling her every name in the book in my head.
I don't have PPD as I am generally happy when I'm not with kids.
Ideas on how to get rid of these feelings?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on Feb. 8, 2013 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • First thing - get checked for PPD. It's NOT something to diagnose by yourself. You clearly need help.

    Secondly, you need to develop strategies to let steam off. What worked for me was making sure the babies were safe and then shutting myself in the laundry room - behind 3 closed doors - and eating a yoghurt in peace, perfect peace. It only took a couple of minutes but those minutes of serenity kept me sane. I could then go back in and deal with the wailers :)

    Thirdly, get an hour every day just for you. When I had my twins, I would feed them, bath them, change them (not necessarily in that order - lol) so that when my DH came home he could spend an hour of quality time with them while I let off steam doing something else. Make this a priority. It helps keep the level of stress under control.

    Fourthly, she may not be doing very well with a bottle right now but she will get the hang of it if she has to.

    Good luck!
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 10:21 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • First off, remember that you chose to have your children. Your baby didn't ask to be here.
    But, secondly, maybe you are not cut out to be a SAHM, not everyone is.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 10:07 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • You need psychological help. Frustration is normal, desire to throw your kid across the room, hit her, kick her, or lock her outside is NOT. Having these feelings every hour (or basically all the time) is NOT.
    While you're seeking professional counseling make sure you're on a reliable birth control. Goodness knows you don't need to be having any more kids if the ones you have now are pissing you off by simply existing. Get help
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 10:07 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • I'm seriously very concerned by this post. All of us have been burned out and fustrated but I can promise you that, speaking for myself, it NEVER occurred to me to "punt" my baby, smack her upside the head, what have you. To me, it's incredibly disturbing.

    I think you need to get out of the house and get a job, quit ebf, whatever it takes but distance yourself from your child until you can get this under control. It sounds like you're barely holding on to your restraint and, honestly, I fear for your child. AT least you're a grown up and can find ways to get help. She depends solely on you.....
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 10:11 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • i do not think the others were judgmental. we are all concerned for you and gave advice on getting some help

    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:38 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • feeling like you have no time for self- normal
    your thoughts not normal
    seek some help


    imo- having these vivid thoughts is not ok and a big huge red flag

    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:10 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • You need to see a therapist NOW! If you think you're going to harm a innocent child then you need to get yourself some serious help. Even if you haven't done it yet, but it does cross your mind.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 10:10 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • I can relate to a point. When I am stressed and the kids are driving me bonkers sometimes I just want to throw the 3 year old outside and let nature raise her for a bit. But I just leave the room or put a cartoon on instead. I have never ever had an ill feeling towards a baby though. The constant questions and tantrums get to me some days with the older girl because I know she knows better but babies are different. Just completely innocent.

    Honestly it does sound a bit like ppd. Maybe you shouldn't be a stay at home mom. Sometimes you have to stop and think is how I am acting going to help my kids learn to be good people or hurt them in any way emotionally? If it is the latter then just walk away.

    Do you have a panic disorder? Could need xanax
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 10:14 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • My baby wont take a bottle either. Ebf babies rarely do. Going to the store and picking out the bottle with a nipple shaped most like yours will help but still probably wont take it. Get a moby wrap or ergo carrier for baby. I hold my baby for a lot of naps. Its normal. Your baby is being completely normal. Do some research.
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 10:24 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • I'm so sorry. Do you think you might be depressed? Depression can come out in different ways. You have got to find time to your self and deal with this!

    Do you get enough rest at night? Do you get out of the house enough? Is your 5 yr old in school? Keep yourself and the little ones on a strict schedule so that you know you will have time to yourself even if that means some housework goes undone. It won't the baby to cry for a little while in a playpen while you run the vacuum (i've done this just to drown out a crying child who was safely in the crib at nap time, he fell asleep too while I was vacuuming) or exercise or listen to music. Is it possible to get a family member to give you some time off during the week or a friend? I hope you get this resolved soon, I'll be thinking about you, hugs.
    HHx5

    Answer by HHx5 at 10:16 AM on Feb. 8, 2013

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