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What would you do?

One friend of my fiance called that he was in town and it has been years since they don't see each other. Hes married and have kids and this was the first time I met him. We were at my fiance moms house all together and then he comes BUT with a women that is not his wife. His wife is far away working, taking care of the house and the kids..while this men is bringing someone outside from the marriage.

So he enters and everybody stand up to greet him so I let my fiance introduce me to his friend and then I walk very far so he doesnt get the chance to introduce this women to me. Since he arrive I was so annoyed and I was thinking and saying to myself he has a lot of nerves to do something like that. Plus that my fiances mom met his wife and kids and shes like nothing instead shes celebrating and talking to this women. In my case I didnt want to participate in these things because I wouldnt want that to happen to me and because of that I wouldnt want that to happen to another wife.

I told my fiance and I made myself very clear that I dont allow, accept, support any of these and that I dont like his friend. What on earth Im going to be able to talk to a women like that? nothing=cero. Every time I think of that it makes me feel angry and disgusted.

I also said that if it was a diferent scenario and we were at our house and his friend did that I wouldve told him immediately that hes not allowed to do those things in my house and this women would never be able to put a foot in my house mainly because of the respect that he has to give me because is not anymore about my fiance but us as a couple.

 I didnt like this situation because in a couple of months we are going to relocate and Im going to meet his wife and I feel guilty and I dont know what to do. I hate this man and what hes doing to his wife even if they have problems or not he shouldnt be doing that at all. Now I feel bad because I know something that she doesnt know and he indirectly and directly made me an accomplice of his ugly and disgusting game. Well now besides that I have an issue with my fiances mom because it showed me that she doesnt care and that shes open to those things and is okay with that. In other words I know that if we have issues shes going to (for sure) support my fiance if he does something wrong. I pray not because I trust him but this is more about his mom.

What would you do in this case? How you would deal with this situation because I dont know how to explain it but a lot of "friends" instead of doing good things end up creating a toxic friendship with the way they carry themselves and that indirectly or directly can have an impact in others person behaviors. Well also that depends if the other person wants to accept negative things and do them.

I dont know this showed me unfortunately how my fiances mom is in that particular matter and I really didnt like it plus that she doenst like me but thats another story. In your case what would you do. My fiance told me that he didnt know that he was going to bring this women and that he didnt like that at all. Good thing we dont have to see him for a while but soon or later in a couple of months we are going to see him again and his family. Is not my place to say anything to his wife because I dont even know her but oh boy I feel guilty that hes screwing around and that hes like nothing and plus put me in this position.

Im sorry for writing so much but I needed to vent and get assertive opinions on how to manage this situation the best I can.

Thanks

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:43 PM on Feb. 8, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Your fiancé should tell his friend that either he tells his wife about this or the two of you will. To do otherwise is to participate right along with him in deceiving his wife and family. He is a disgusting piece of humanity and not someone that I would want in my life. If you lose him as a friend, it's no big loss!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:49 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • I totally agree with your feelings on this matter and I, too, would be really concerned that it WASN'T an issue for your fiance's family. I think you can take comfort in the fact that your fiance thought this guy was a jerk, as well.

    Now, having said that, I'm not sure there's much you can do at this point. You are well within your rights to not have anything to do with him when he comes to visit again. You can't control how your fiance or his family deals with it but you can control how YOU deal with it.
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 6:51 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • I would have informed my SO. To inform his friend to leave, with his SLUT. And not to do that ever again. I would have told him. Now I have to deal with your wife. We would not be hanging around them much.
    We have known guys like that. When my DH was in the military. I would tell my DH when he spoke of those guys. Remember to never bring me to their house. He knows I wont keep my mouth shut.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:53 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • I wonder if the woman he was with KNOWS he is married with children?
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 6:54 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • I'm with Mrs_Prissy - you and some of the responders to this are acting like this other woman is a homewrecker. But if his wife and children are across the country, maybe this woman is truly innocent in all this and just thinks she's met a nice guy. You know he's not, but maybe she truly doesn't know.

    As for the rest - well, more than likely his mother would take his side if things happened between you two anyway. And your fiance agrees with you, so just hope that he continues to feel that way. Frankly, I would tell the wife. You could always play dumb and when you meet her the first time, say something like, "Wait a minute. I thought that woman with him at X's house was his wife. Was she his sister or something?"
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:00 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • Unfortunately this "women" does know that hes married with kids. I dont know how on earth she can meet people and a whole family with her head high knowing that everybody knows shes a mistress or whatever the name is for her. It amazes me how some women have no values, morals, lack decency and not even remorse. Ugghhhh Im sorry but I do get annoyed.

    Thank you all for your comments!!!!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:03 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • okay if you didnt discuss it with her how do you know she DOES know he is married.

    btw, if MY fiance was not stepping up and saying dude this is wrong, I am not sure I would me marrying him. His morals would be of concern
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 7:34 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • There was another day when I did go to visit an old friend of mine and my fiance told me that his friend called that he was nearby and he wanted to hang out so he was there 15 minutes later. He then explain to him the whole situation and that since day one he told this women that he was married so to answer your comment luvmygrandbaby thats how we both know that she didnt care. I mean and is a no brainer to any women that a men who is carrying a wedding band for sure is going to know that is a married man. This is a men that all the time carries his wedding band so she knew what shes getting into and dont care about the rest of the people. By no means shes naive at all. My fiance did tell him that he dissaproved everything. We are not to be blamed because it was his friend that put us in a very uncomfortable situation and my fiance did speak his mind not holding anything at all.

    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:49 PM on Feb. 8, 2013

  • If I where you I would tell my fiance e to dealeith the situation and tell him to get his prioritys straight ind if your fiance did not do it then I would take matters into my own hands and talk to the male first and then his wife. I know its ntot good to stir the shit but it sure as hell aintright o cheat on anyone. Something needs to be done on thi sitaution before this women gets depeatly hurt and her kids get hurt as well.
    Im-HiDdEn

    Answer by Im-HiDdEn at 9:56 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • This man, the friend of your husnpband is a liar and a cheat. What makes you think he is telling the truth when he says he told this woman?
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 1:05 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

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