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2 Bumps

My Mother Disrespects my Marriage.

My Husband and I have been together for 4 1/2 yrs. Although my husband has been nothing but hospitable, cordial and caring to my mother/family. My mother feels a need to bash him to any and everyone when he is not around. She complains that he isn't rich, doesn't show emotion, talks above her vocabulary, and does not spoil me in the manner that I should be spoiled. My husband protects our country for a living and has always met my needs financially, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. My mother continues to express distain for him because he approves of me having my own career and, similar to me, does not want to live in my home state. She tries to hook me up with old bf or tells me to look for a rich man. I'm currently spending time with my family before my hubby and I move out of the country. How do I tell her to stop disrespecting my marriage and that If she does not change I can not have my children around her?

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Birdinflight

Asked by Birdinflight at 2:26 AM on Feb. 9, 2013 in Relationships

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Bluntly. Just tell her. It's your marriage, your life, and if she won't butt out and quit giving you unwelcome, unsolicited advice, you'll be forced to limit your time and your children's time around her. There's no excuse for the way she's treating you and your husband, and the ideas she may be giving your children about the two of you. Part of the reason I don't see my mother or speak to her is the way she, along with many in my family, have disrespected my boyfriend, the father of my child. They either accept us as a family, or they don't accept any of us at all.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:38 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Thank you for your response. I believe I am going to talk to her tomorrow.
    Birdinflight

    Comment by Birdinflight (original poster) at 2:43 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Politely talk to her about her behaviour.
    kity-bity

    Answer by kity-bity at 2:44 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Just tell her exactly that. There is no right way to tell her. She needs to confront the cold, hard truth. You can't force her to change either. You can, however, back your words up with your actions. If she continues to be disrespectful, then the next time she wants to see you or the children, then calmly explain to her why she won't be able to. She needs to connect her behavior with this consequence. When she shows some respect, then you can show some back in kind and just say that because she's showing some effort, you will think about letting her visit. If she shows up unexpectedly, do the same and don't let her in. You have to set and enforce these boundaries or she will always walk all over you. You teach people how to treat you by what behavior you accept. It may take months but she will learn. You have to stay strong during this time. No communication until she apologizes.
    hellokittykat

    Answer by hellokittykat at 2:46 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Tell her you love her but you have made your choice and you want her to stop bad mouthing you husband. It is your like and your decision.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:13 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • When she disrespects your DH you invite her to leave. Simple and gets the point across. Don't wait until her visit is over, stop it right when she gets offensive and tell her that until she can show respect to your husband that she should refrain from coming to visit.

    Similarly, if you get into an argument with him, do not vent to your mother because this will obviously color her view of him.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 9:21 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • You need to explain to her that you married because you love him and he loves you and her opinion does not really matter and as for voicing her opinions to the whole family she really needs to put an end to it because honestly it is non of her business. Tell her how you support your choldren no matter what and who they decide to be and marry and she should be the same thing and give your DH a chance.
    Im-HiDdEn

    Answer by Im-HiDdEn at 9:37 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • When I finally said something to my dad for doing the same thing he was shocked. He said he didn't even realize he was doing it. Sometimes they just don't think. I told him "do you know how bad it hurts me when you talk like that?" He apologized and stopped. It was that easy for me. Good luck on this. I agree that if she continues after you mention it, get up and walk out or hang up the phone. She'll stop if she sees there is a consequence for her bad behavior.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:58 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Just say what you have said here. Also, explain to her that it is disrespectful, hurtful and it makes you want to stay as far away from her as possible. Tell her you are happy and that you and your husband love each other. Good Luck.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 12:35 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • "She tries to hook me up with old bf or tells me to look for a rich man."

    In my book, that's enough to tell her I won't be seeing her any more. You took a marriage vow. She is an impediment to that vow.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:52 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

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