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Why...

Random thought of the morning.
I hate that I'm so bad at telling stories or even just having conversations...seems I say things and later all I can do is think about how stupid/ridiculous it was. Last night I said I gained like 20 lbs back living in a hotel for almost a month- but I'm sitting here now and wondering why -it was more like 10. Maybe it was devastating enough to me that it seemed like 20- I dunno!
Anyhow... I feel as I get older I get worse at just having conversations without saying something that later, I wonder why...and then- there is the question of why am I even thinking about that now anyway?! ... ugh.

* Aaaanyhow... gonna go get more coffee now. Yay, coffee ; )

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charlotsomtimes

Asked by charlotsomtimes at 9:09 AM on Feb. 9, 2013 in Relationships

146609 Level 42
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Answers (9)
  • I do that, too, and then wonder why I'm worryng over it when probably nobody else even noticed.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 2:46 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

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  • Seeing the self-criticism & harshness that way might look like:

    noticing the painful brain loop starting, the self-critique of this or that choice of wording or awkward relating of a story, and recognizing how what is happening right then (this scrutiny & judgment) is evidence that you are vulnerable, that you really want something or hope for it, that you are afraid that (because you were clumsy or awkward or somehow off-putting) you won't get it or don't even deserve it!

    Recognizing how (for example) the way you were evaluated/judged as a child got internalized & influenced your sense of what's important (how you need to be/seem in order to deserve to be liked/valued) can deepen your appreciation for your own pain & your compassion for having these struggles in the first place. Like "Well, of course! That only makes sense for a person, considering these experiences & messages."

    Self-connection is seeing it in this light.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:21 PM on Feb. 10, 2013

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  • Sounds like you just feel vulnerable, uncertain & worried. Because you really want something (a friendship, the positive regard & understanding of the people you're talking to at these times.) This triggers your worry & self-criticism.

    Seeing the self-criticism & the self-directed harshness (the endless nitpicking & acute recriminations about what was said/how it was worded that happens now & then) as an expression of your vulnerability, your wishing/hoping & your doubts/fears, might help process what is happening, which might ease some of the negativity that gets directed against yourself at these times.

    Likely somebody important was/has been critical of you in some way that hurt, or hurts. We all come by our issues honestly, so to speak.

    Reflecting on that & on what it painfully taught you (or suggested was true) can help to increase your compassion for yourself, and your self-connection.

    (Speaking from experience! lol)
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 2:07 PM on Feb. 10, 2013

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  • Everyone has brain drain sometimes. Don't worry about it so much. Enjoy your coffe.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 12:32 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

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  • Ehh, I wouldn't worry about it to much. Maybe the people you are talking to do the same thing. If it bothers you that much, you could always "clear things up" the next time you see the person you were talking to.
    And besides, from what I hear, coffee can heal most wounds. lol
    -Ashley
    spiritguide_23

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 9:53 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

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  • Just seems I get more awkward as I get older or something

    Maybe it's that I havn't really had people to hang out with much for the last 7 years or so- I mean there are people I see at zumba and people I worked with-but most of those conversations are about the weather or job you know?
    When I actually have more of a conversation- seems I always end up saying something (harmless) that for some reason ends up bugging me- but (hopefully) they probably don't even think twice about!
    charlotsomtimes

    Comment by charlotsomtimes (original poster) at 9:39 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

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  • Random but hey coffee solves most problems!
    Im-HiDdEn

    Answer by Im-HiDdEn at 9:35 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

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  • I still have a few things that I fret over from years ago so I understand. Enjoy coffee.
    liss05

    Answer by liss05 at 9:32 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

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  • Yay coffee!!! I do he same sometimes
    funlovinlady

    Answer by funlovinlady at 9:29 AM on Feb. 9, 2013

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