Right now, I just don't know how to react. I want some opinions on an appropriate reaction.
A little back story. I told my husband early in our relationship (before we were even married) about being molested when I was a child. I told him everything. How long it went on for, when it was more likely to happen, who did it and everything. Well, the person who did it recently passed (he was a relative) and while we (my husband and I) were going through his things, we ran across ALOT of inapropriate pictures (mostly of little girls in swimwuits for magazines). With my history, I was disgusted and threw them all away or burned them. My dh actually said "You know, with all this stuff we are finding I am actully starting to worry about X (the recently deceased relative)." I was floored. I just looked at him for aminute before moving on. I don't think he got why I was so angry with that comment.
Since then, he has been acting like he didn't say it or he didn't mean it the way I took it. Well, yeaterday I had had enough of him ignoring the issue so I brought it up myself. I asked him if he had ever really believed me when I told him what had happened or if he had just told me that he believed me to shut me up. He said he believed me, but that he didn't know how bad it was. Now what the hell is that supposed to mean? I told him everything there was to know about it. He has even complained that there have been days where I have had a harder time dealing with it then others. There are just some things that make it crop up more then others.
Now, I am at a point where I don't know what to think or feel. Should I be angry that he is being so stupid with his comments? Shoud I let it go because it is hard for people who haven't been through it to understand how bad it is? Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Asked by Anonymous at 1:10 PM on Feb. 9, 2013 in Relationships
I think for your sanity and for the marriage at this point you need to at least temporarily forgive his ignorance. If you aren't already, I would suggest getting into therapy to deal with your feelings (not necessarily long term, but to just have a neutral party to talk at) and then possibly at some point involving your DH in a session or two so that the therapist can help you help him understand your feelings. I hope that made sense.
Answer by QuinnMae at 1:16 PM on Feb. 9, 2013
Answer by NannyB. at 1:30 PM on Feb. 9, 2013
Answer by Crafty26 at 1:19 PM on Feb. 9, 2013
Answer by Ballad at 1:21 PM on Feb. 9, 2013
Answer by louise2 at 1:22 PM on Feb. 9, 2013
Answer by staciandababy at 1:47 PM on Feb. 9, 2013
Answer by admckenzie at 1:45 PM on Feb. 9, 2013
Answer by jeanclaudia at 1:51 PM on Feb. 9, 2013
Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Feb. 9, 2013
I think it was as hard for your DH to see those pictures as it was for you, because you both were face to face with the history of this man. Your DH just didn't know how to deal with it any better than you did so he made some dumb comments because he didn't know how to express what he was really feeling. Don't take your anger out on your DH, he didn't hurt you. Give the blame to who it belongs, this dead relative.
Answer by RyansMom001 at 3:44 PM on Feb. 9, 2013