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2 Bumps

How can I make him understand that he crushed me by letting me down?

Back before DH and I got married, he introduced me to a female friend of his, we will call C. She has a son who is friends with my SS13. She was polite, although I didnt care for the constant calls and texts and showing up at our house unannounced late at night to ask if SS13 could spend the night. If DH & SS13 ignored the texts, C would send her kid over with whoever to ask. Apparently she gets around since it was a different man she was dating each time her son came over. Not cool when we had a housefull of sleeping children...6 of them. After that happened several times, I'd had enough. DH said he was not happy with it, and it got on his nerves. SS13 said he wasn't happy with it. The day we got married, the kid called 5 times, and text all day, after being told it was our wedding day and SS13 was at the wedding. Well the day after our wedding, C answered my FB message. I had asked her to please get her son to stop texting and calling so late, & let her know that we had 5 other children here asleep when he kept showing up. I also told her that it would be best if she herself talked to an adult in the house before sending her son. Supposedly her son kept saying we gave him permission to come over, but she never checked with us. She went off on me and said "just because you finally got him to marry you doesnt give you the right to be a bitch." I was nothing but polite to her, and I was simply trying to get some normalcy to the household. DH talked to her and told me they both thought I was immature for messaging her on FB, and he took her side. WTH?! I spent the next week after I got married bawling. I was just trying to handle a problem no one in the house liked but wouldn't address. How do I explain to him that he let me down by not backing me up? I thought thats what a husband and wife were supposed to do?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Feb. 9, 2013 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I saw a similar issue discussed on the Dr. Phil show before and Dr. Phil made it a point to say that spouses should be one unit, backing each other up. Your DH is letting this lady get in between you two. Yeah she's conniving, but your focus should be on his behavior. I was with someone like that for years, and he always acted so clueless about why we had problems, when he was the one letting the problems enter. Trust me, you will only be miserable with someone that fickle and stupid. I regret wasting those years with him and hope I can save you from wasting time with yours. There are so many other people out there that have no problem letting the world know that they are behind you 100%. You had every right to do what you did and of course, manipulators will try to turn the tables and make you feel bad for reacting to their behavior. Everything you do from this point forward teaches them how to treat you. Set boundaries!

    Answer by hellokittykat at 11:10 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • I think a big ol' FU is in order.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 2:23 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • If he doesn't get it, he most likely won't.

    Answer by layh41407 at 2:29 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • I think a nice kick to the balls personally....

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 3:06 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • "How do I explain to him that he let me down by not backing me up?"

    By saying those precise words. You might also remind him of what was in your marriage vows. Real Men put their wives FIRST. This "friend" needs to be crossed off his social calendar for good.

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:45 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Your 13 year old daughter should not be having sleepovers with a boy. I knew parents that got sued over issues around that. Also, what your husband did sucks. You are right he should be on your side. You all are a family now and that is his role that he accepted when he said I do.

    Answer by booklover545 at 9:15 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Yup. F U new husband.

    what an epic fail. please tell me they aren't ever alone together.

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:29 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • I think she was acting this way on purpose just to irritate you indirectly, acting out passive aggressively. Though she won't admit it, she's quite jealous of your relationship and will think of devious ways to pull the rug up from your marriage. I've known several people like this before and it's also happened to me. Your DH was wrong and should've backed you up. Seriously think twice about staying married to this guy. The beginning is supposed to be the best time and it's already not. Just imagine how much worse it could get. You could probably get an annulment if it hasn't been too long. That lady is manipulative & who wants a 3rd wheel in a relationship? You need to set the tone now for how you want to be treated the rest of the marriage. Get an annulment to show him you mean business and don't want someone who's not supportive of you. He's showing you his true colors, but will you believe him when he shows you how he is?

    Answer by hellokittykat at 11:02 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • The kids are still some what friends. I do not like the woman whatsoever. He mentioned just the other day that she works somewhere I was going to get a facial. He said he was going to surprise me with it, but I pissed her off, so it might not be a good idea. I really dont care if I pissed her off! He said once that I was jealous of his female friends, but I just think she was rude and the name calling was uncalled for. A lot of his "friends" were women he dated/slept with or wanted to date, so no, we aren't going to be best friends but I am polite until I need to be otherwise.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:49 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Stepson, not stepdaughter

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:10 PM on Feb. 10, 2013