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2 Bumps

If a Mother at your child's school said this to you..... what would you think?

I told this Mom I am having a "play date" in March and her daughter was invited. She said "Oh good because we don't eat meat and we have nuts all over the house so it woudn't be a great place for my daughter to go to" because my dd has a peanut allergy.....I said ok understanable......BUT, then I was really thinking about it after & it bugged me well why couldn't she make an effort to put stuff away also to have my child over? Idk what to think or I am over thinking it? its been irking me inside.

 
sarasmommy777

Asked by sarasmommy777 at 5:49 PM on Feb. 9, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 35 (70,598 Credits)
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Answers (26)
  • I think she just blurted out stuff. I don't think she meant it to be rude.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 5:52 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Im-HiD - parents do know & she does have an epi pen? its a must with a peanut allergy the most deadly allergy there is
    sarasmommy777

    Comment by sarasmommy777 (original poster) at 10:49 AM on Feb. 12, 2013

  • Your over thinking it. Just let your daughter know and also the parents know that when she goes over to their house to play that she is not allowed nuts because of an allergy and they will understand and do their best to keep her clear of nuts and also as she gets older she will learn to ask and become more aware that she is allergic to them and make sure she is not around them. Maybe even get her an epi-pen in case anything does happen then she will have a back up plan.
    Im-HiDdEn

    Answer by Im-HiDdEn at 9:47 AM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • So....lol. My "take-home" would be that she sounded relieved, and that she also seemed upbeat, positive, enthusiastic, and appreciative. She MIGHT be unlikely to ever volunteer to host a playdate (given the content of what she expressed as an explanation about not initiating a get-together) but overall it was a positive interaction.

    I would think that she seems upbeat about the girls getting together, and relieved (for whatever reason) that I made the overture and am hosting.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 3:33 PM on Feb. 10, 2013

  • I think I would think that she sounded relieved. People can have all sorts of reasons to feel relieved about not having to host a playdate (and those reasons may differ from what they express or claim, lol!) But the relief sounds pretty obvious.

    I think I would notice her relief, and think that she appeared to be relieved about not needing to host (but that she also appeared to think a playdate was a nice idea and sounded positive/upbeat.) I would probably think that she seemed to feel good about the girls getting together and seemed grateful that I volunteered to host. I might also speculate that she may be unlikely to reciprocate by inviting my child over, later. (But maybe this was simply relief & appreciation, rather than reluctance.)

    Interactions like this can also prompt thoughts, judgments or assumptions but I am pretty reliable about "owning" those, so that would be a matter of noticing triggers & doubts in myself.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 3:27 PM on Feb. 10, 2013

  • Honestly, that might be something I blurt out without meaning to be rude. I mean, there are times when I see nut butter smeared on the couch and on the light switches and all kinds of other places. I know there is nut residue on tons of our books and toys that are hard to clean. I clean it when I see it or ask DS to clean up after himself, but who knows what I've missed! DS knows he should wash his hands after eating, but he's 3 and I guess I'm just not that vigilant all the time. And we also give the dog smears of PB in her Kongs and let her eat it in the house every now and then. So unless I mop the floors completely, wash all the surfaces (tables, walls, etc.), sanitize or hide most of the books and toys, etc., our house is not safe for someone with a bad peanut allergy. And there is no way I'm doing all that just so your kid can come over for an hour. But I'd be happy play with her somewhere else.
    Sebbiemama

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 12:18 PM on Feb. 10, 2013

  • I don't think she meant it to be rude.
    alf2651

    Answer by alf2651 at 11:55 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Sounds like something I would say without thinking and then go home and think "I hope I didn't offend her when I said that".
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 9:22 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • I would think that she was just trying to make a point of letting you know that her place may not be a safe place for your DD to play for a play date. I have people who are willing to make accommodations to have my allergy child to their houses. They make the effort....I have never asked them to do so. JMO
    coala

    Answer by coala at 9:08 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • I would've said, "we have a bunch of nuts at our house too, but they're all related!" lol :p
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:00 PM on Feb. 9, 2013