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If a Mother at your child's school said this to you..... what would you think?

I told this Mom I am having a "play date" in March and her daughter was invited. She said "Oh good because we don't eat meat and we have nuts all over the house so it woudn't be a great place for my daughter to go to" because my dd has a peanut allergy.....I said ok understanable......BUT, then I was really thinking about it after & it bugged me well why couldn't she make an effort to put stuff away also to have my child over? Idk what to think or I am over thinking it? its been irking me inside.

 
sarasmommy777

Asked by sarasmommy777 at 5:49 PM on Feb. 9, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 35 (70,598 Credits)
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Answers (26)
  • I wouldnt expect a family to make tons of changes to their home to have my child over.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 5:54 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Sounds like the words just fell out of her mouth sideways. She probably didn't mean anything by what she said.
    Ballad

    Answer by Ballad at 6:01 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Wouldn't be bothered by it at all.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:07 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • I think she has been concerned about having your daughter over because her family likes nuts and she is concerned that your daughter might be exposed. It shows it has been something she has been thinking about. She could clean and put things away, but you never know what other family members might do and she has concerns about this. I think it shows she is concerned for your child's welfare.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:19 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • I think you took it too personally. It's not even a matter of "she wasn't willing to make the effort." To me, it would be a matter of "did I do enough?" I am not close to anyone who is or has a child who is allergic to peanuts, so I might put up peanut stuff and clean, but I would be constantly worried whether I did enough. I'd be wondering if I missed something, or if there was some certain cleanser I should have used that would do a better job of getting rid of peanut residue....and so on. So, rather than be so stressed and annoy my kid and yours by hovering, panicking that your child's throat might suddenly close, I'd rather go to the park, or your house, where I know that things are safe enough for your kid.

    Maybe she could have phrased it a bit differently, but I don't think the intention was bad.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 6:23 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • I also get nervous having peanut allergy kids over. I'm not sure how much I need to prepare. Maybe you could have said, all you need to do is not have peanuts out while she's there. I think she just blurted it out.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 6:50 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • I would think that she was just trying to make a point of letting you know that her place may not be a safe place for your DD to play for a play date. I have people who are willing to make accommodations to have my allergy child to their houses. They make the effort....I have never asked them to do so. JMO
    coala

    Answer by coala at 9:08 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • I don't think she meant it to be rude.
    alf2651

    Answer by alf2651 at 11:55 PM on Feb. 9, 2013

  • Honestly, that might be something I blurt out without meaning to be rude. I mean, there are times when I see nut butter smeared on the couch and on the light switches and all kinds of other places. I know there is nut residue on tons of our books and toys that are hard to clean. I clean it when I see it or ask DS to clean up after himself, but who knows what I've missed! DS knows he should wash his hands after eating, but he's 3 and I guess I'm just not that vigilant all the time. And we also give the dog smears of PB in her Kongs and let her eat it in the house every now and then. So unless I mop the floors completely, wash all the surfaces (tables, walls, etc.), sanitize or hide most of the books and toys, etc., our house is not safe for someone with a bad peanut allergy. And there is no way I'm doing all that just so your kid can come over for an hour. But I'd be happy play with her somewhere else.
    Sebbiemama

    Answer by Sebbiemama at 12:18 PM on Feb. 10, 2013

  • I think I would think that she sounded relieved. People can have all sorts of reasons to feel relieved about not having to host a playdate (and those reasons may differ from what they express or claim, lol!) But the relief sounds pretty obvious.

    I think I would notice her relief, and think that she appeared to be relieved about not needing to host (but that she also appeared to think a playdate was a nice idea and sounded positive/upbeat.) I would probably think that she seemed to feel good about the girls getting together and seemed grateful that I volunteered to host. I might also speculate that she may be unlikely to reciprocate by inviting my child over, later. (But maybe this was simply relief & appreciation, rather than reluctance.)

    Interactions like this can also prompt thoughts, judgments or assumptions but I am pretty reliable about "owning" those, so that would be a matter of noticing triggers & doubts in myself.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 3:27 PM on Feb. 10, 2013

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