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Just want opionions on Mother in law

Okay, my daughter is almost 6 months old, at around 4 months we went to florida to visit my husbands family. I let everyone know ahead of time that my daughter would not go into anyone's home unless it had been aired out of cigarette smoke. my husband is on deployment, he only spent 2 days with our baby before he left so i went alone. His mother refused to air out her home, which is her right, but when i offered to meet her at my father in law's or a restaraunt, the mall etc...she refused and said she would meet my daughter on her terms only. I was appalled, and my husband was very hurt, but i couldnt tell if he was upset with me for not giving in to her. obviously i don't think i am wrong, even though his entire family is divided on the issue. any opinions on what to do and how to handle this? I am refusing to give in on the issue

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december911

Asked by december911 at 4:59 PM on Feb. 14, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 9 (275 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I think that while the baby is little you have every right to be as protective as you see fit. Once the baby is a little older though, you may want to ease up a little. Does your MIL have a patio or a porch you can visit on? That might be a good compromise for the mean time. I think your husband would appreciate it if you made an effort to smooth things over with his mother, but for now you are right to be protective.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 5:05 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • I think that if your MIL wants to see your daughter, she needs to do it on your terms. Cigarette smoke is very dangerous to babies. It's been proven that even if you aren't actually smoking around the child the carcinogens left behind are just as dangerous. Keep your feet planted firmly. Don't give in. It's your job to protect your child, no matter what. Whether or not your child is around smoke or not is something that you can and should control. Good for you mama!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • A rule is a rule on your part - nobody is important enough for you to risk your daughters health to go see.

    If the MIL wants to see her granddaughter, then it will not be in a smokey environment.

    Keep putting your foot down, you are absolutely right.
    ladysavage

    Answer by ladysavage at 5:06 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Good for you for standing your ground. If she wants to see her grandchild then it will be on your terms and not hers. I applaud you for this. My mom smokes and we didn't visit her house until my DD was 4 mos and didn't stay long. She mostly comes to see her at our house and when watches her for us she smokes outside or not at all. We prefer the not at all. I wish you all the luck with this.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 5:11 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Way to go momma!!! Stand up for YOUR BABY!!! Tell your MIL if she wants to see her grandchild then she WILL air out her home or come somewhere else to meet you!!! Surely your dh wouldn't be upset with your for standing your ground when it comes to the safety of HIS CHILD!!! Right? If so then that is definitely something that should be discussed! My dd is almost 3 months old, she has never been to a home where someone has smoked in it, never been in a smokers car, and never been held by someone who smokes-and never will be. Some call me overprotective and get offended, I couldn't careless when it comes to the safety of my child!!! Even when we go out into public, if there is someone smoking outside somewhere by an entrance, I get upset, and I will say something to them...but thats just me, I'm extremely outspoken, and I say what I feel! You have everyright to stand up for the safety of your baby! Keep up the good work momma!!!
    wishwish

    Answer by wishwish at 5:21 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Wow, first of all, I hope my son marries a girl like you!

    Secondly, you were NOT being unreasonable at all. I'm sorry it hurt your husband, but your daughters health is much much more important.

    I would avoid living within 7 hours of them, ever. They should come visit you , not them, if their home is not healthy
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Good for you for making clear your expectations for the visit and sticking to them!! You absolutely did the right thing. The ball is in her court now, she made the choice to not meet you at a different house or place. I think you couldn't have handled it any better.

    I would bet that your DH is disappointed that his mom wouldn't either air out her house or meet you somewhere else.

    How should you handle this? Keep doing EXACTLY what you are doing. Tell her where you are willing to meet her, and if she doesn't like it, then that is her problem.
    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 5:29 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • DO NOT budge. What a selfish woman. So her terms mean putting your baby at risk..she is a great woman. Seriously do not budge. You have to keep your child in mind at all times.

    Keep sticking to it! We have to be strong and confident as parents..well done!


    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 6:27 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • I already informed my husband that our baby will not be going to his dad's house because his wife smokes in the house. All he could say was Ok, because like your husband he is deployed and there is nothing he can do. But, my ILs come to my house or see the kids at church because they respect my wishes. Obviously, I agree with you.
    matthewscandi

    Answer by matthewscandi at 6:50 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Your child your decision....her loss.
    ColleenF30

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 7:46 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

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