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3 Bumps

Thats not the only thing i will be raising.....

What would you think if you SO said that to you after u asked them to stop raising their voice? Prior to that he got angry about something that was said. And he kept yelling and yelling. So i asked him stop raising his voice. That s when he said what he said.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:16 AM on Feb. 11, 2013 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • I would have threaten him back. Tell him if she dares to raise a hand to me or my children then he's ass would be out of that house and the cops will be called.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:20 AM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • *HE not she

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 9:20 AM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • That would be the only time he would say it, I can assure you of that. It sounds like an implied threat (which I am sure was his intention) of violence. I would calmy tell him if he EVER TRIED to hit me, he better get ready to hear some clanging bars, cause his ass would be in jail faster then he could blink. I don't play when it comes to domestic violence. It's not healthy for anyone involved. Neither, in my opinion, is emotional/verbal abuse, but that is a whole other stoy.

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 9:22 AM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • I'd tell him he could be raising whatever he wanted alone cause if my SO ever talked to me like that I'd be gone....with the kids

    Answer by BeautyGuru at 9:39 AM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • First I had to figure out what it was supposed to mean. Oh--a THREAT! "Raising something else."

    I think if my husband said that (and intended that meaning), I would think "Whoa!" It would be very surreal.

    I can't think of a time my husband actually yelled at me, though. We definitely have conflicts (conflict is inevitable), and we do get frustrated with each other in the moment. I know he has been furious at times. But it hasn't translated to yelling AT me.

    About your actual scenario... To me, the overall interaction implies that the person is already dysregulated. He's behaving as if he is under attack (highly reactive & aggressive because of feeling fearful & defensive.) It's the stress model in action: the perception of threat drives fight or flight reactions, hence the yelling. In that context, a directive comment like "stop raising your voice" predictably escalates things, as it did in your situation.

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:26 AM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • You need to be quicker on the draw. He was probably sick of hearing you, especially if something was said prior to set him off, it just adds to it when you say stop yelling, because then you're being bossy when he's already mad. Jus ignore his yelling and stop talking, it'll only take him a few to stfu.

    Answer by funlovinlady at 10:27 AM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • In general, my husband & I practice using "I messages" rather than "You messages," but this is ESPECIALLY important & helpful when one person is agitated, stressed/defensive, or outright dysregulated & reactive. When a person is "down-shifted" from their higher thinking & reasoning center (prefrontal cortex) to the more reactive, impulsive, emotional brain, which is what happens when humans are stressed (when their "buttons get pushed" or they are triggered), telling them what to do will trigger automatic (defensive) resistance or opposition. Communication that focuses on the other person (you messages) will tend to escalate or inflame the situation.

    This doesn't make someone else "responsible" for the upset or the resulting threat (or violence); it just points out that certain actions/tactics will very predictably result in particular sequences of events. And the same patterns can be avoidable.

    Can you guys find some help?

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:36 AM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • i tell him in a calm voice, im leaving the room and when you decide to talk to me in a calm and lower tone of voice, we will continue our discussion until then pls do not talk to me......

    Answer by CharlotteRose at 12:28 PM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • Just laugh it off.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 2:57 PM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • I would say he just bought a one-way ticket out the door. Hitting someone in anger, or threatening to, is never acceptable. End of story.

    Answer by Ballad at 6:32 PM on Feb. 11, 2013

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