Please take me seriously. I'm not a troll; I'm going Anon because this is a personal issue to put on the Internet.
My boyfriend has an anxiety disorder for which he takes a prescription medication every day. Mostly I've managed to deal with it, and be there for him. But lately, it seems like he uses his panic attacks, either on purpose or not knowing what he's doing, I'm not sure, to get his way. If I bring up serious issues in our relationship or try to make changes, he freaks out and says he can't handle everything. He cries and hyperventilates and is hard to roust out of bed. He says work and kids and errands and everything are too much, and I can't add more to his plate.
Yesterday, our daughter got really smart-mouthed with him. He swatted her on the bottom over her jeans, which I didn't have a problem with, but he did it way harder than I would have. She cried for about ten minutes, instead of the usual two or three if she gets a swat from me, which hardly ever happens. I told my boyfriend, when our daughter wasn't around, that swatting her in anger was unacceptable, period. Not the swat, but the intensity of it. At first, he said fine, he wouldn't raise a hand or a voice ever, and I could parent our daughter by myself. That pissed me off, and I told him if he was going to be that way, he could live somewhere else because I expected a partner in the family, not a whiner. He apologized and said it wouldn't happen again, but I got the feeling he didn't agree with me; he just wanted to shut me up. Our daughter was okay, I checked and she was just a little red on the butt, no bruise or anything.
But then this morning, my boyfriend had another anxiety attack because his life was too much to handle, and now we've added relationship counseling and it's jus more than he can do. God help me, I didn't feel any compassion for him. Our daughter was really worried, and gave him a teddy bear to hold and her favorite race car to play with, saying that would make him feel better. I was angry that he melted down in front of her, and I just wanted to smack him and tell him to get his s**t together. I'm not a mean person, but damn! I've wanted to separate from him, but I feel trapped because if I mention that, he goes Chernobyl on me, as in nuclear meltdown. I was on the brink of leaving recently, but he freaked out and I stayed.
What can I do? I'm tired of walking on eggshells. I'm tired of putting up with unfairness in the relationship just so he won't go panicky on me. But if I try to rectify anything, I end up taking care of him, and it's not worth it. Has anybody been there? What can I do?
Asked by Anonymous at 1:21 PM on Feb. 11, 2013 in Relationships
Answer by wendythewriter at 1:32 PM on Feb. 11, 2013
Answer by 3libras at 1:41 PM on Feb. 11, 2013
This is a mental disorder. If the patient will not call or does not realize how bad his/her behavior is then anyone can simply call for an appointment to arrange a meeting for the patient with the Dr. therefore enabling the Dr. to adjust the medications if necessary. I am really glad I don't have to call you for an appointment with that attitude. You must really be an asset to the Dr. you work for. Geez give some people a little authority, it really goes to their head. Bye Anon!
Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:50 PM on Feb. 11, 2013
Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:32 PM on Feb. 11, 2013
Answer by louise2 at 1:34 PM on Feb. 11, 2013
Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Feb. 11, 2013
Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 1:38 PM on Feb. 11, 2013
Answer by jeanclaudia at 1:48 PM on Feb. 11, 2013
Answer by wendythewriter at 2:46 PM on Feb. 11, 2013
Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Feb. 11, 2013