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has anyone known an abusive man to change with the next woman?

i think when men abuse they just got with the wrong woman. does anyone know of a situation where the man abused his wife but didn't go on to abuse other women after her?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on Feb. 14, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • If I would have answered this question I would have had to say ONCE AN ABUSER ALWAYS an ABUSER, But my brother use to be violent and very angry, he made a horrible mistake and really hurt his girlfriend two years ago. He did get into trouble with the law. He then went through counseling, and anger management. He met a great girl, they dated for almost a year then in July of 2008 they got married.......HE has never laid a hand on her. He was told he had mental issues, he has taken care of them and takes his meds. So yeah with the right help and support an angry man can change

    Answer by CookieMama at 8:19 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • No, once an abuser always-its a cycle.UNLESS the man has undergone counseling and is currently in anger management and taken the necessary steps to address his issues.

    If a man doesn't break the cycle, it is only a matter of time until he reaches that violence again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:12 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Men do change. I know a man who was abusive until his wife left him and told him that she would never put up with that again. They eventually got back together and he has never laid a hand on her again.

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 6:15 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • My husband of 5 years was abusive to his former wife.
    You can not tell it with me the way he acts you would think he had no mean bone in his body.
    But prior to meeting me he had major counseling,anger management.
    So men can and stay changed for the better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:19 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • I believe all things are possible with the right steps,determination,attitude and continued follow ups to get your issue whatever it may be addressed from happening again,weather drugs,alcohol,abuse.

    Answer by Baby1114 at 6:21 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • you think its the WOMAN'S fault when a man abuses her? Wow...I'm sorry, but that's an awful ignorant statement.

    I don't think an abuser will ever change unless HE wants to change, and that means some serious therapy. Its NEVER the woman's fault because she got with someone who doesn't know how to control his anger, except by hitting on someone. Nobody DESERVES to be abused.

    Answer by .Peaches. at 6:43 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • I think abusers can stop abusing but it is NEVER because he got with the wrong woman that he is abusive. To think a man will abuse one woman and go to another without abusing her is foolish unless there is evidence that the man himself has commited to change.

    Answer by happi-ladi at 7:23 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • My ex was abusive and seemed to have changed with his next GF, however after they broke up she came to me and said "I'm sorry, all that time I thought you were just being a bitch and now I understand where you were coming from" and that he was now being such a jerk to her and her son that she knows he was lying to her when he blamed everything on me.
    So I think that some men can change, but he has to acknowledge he has a problem and get help and want to treat women better.
    How can you imply that being abused is the womans fault! Have you ever been in an abusive relationship? What he should have gotten with a woman who didn't take so long at the grocery store so he had the right to throw me when I took longer than he thought I should have? He wanted a woman no other men would even think of looking at so since a man looked at me he had the right to pull a chunk of my hair out?! ABUSE IS NEVER THE VICTIMS FAULT!

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 7:49 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Doesn't work that way Hon. Don't fall for that stuff. It's all talk. You get yourself into that situation, but do not convince yourself he will change.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:59 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Has he had anger management? Does he tend to blame his ex for most things? Does he acknowledge that it was his problem and not her causing the abuse? Look for these clues ask questions. If he gets angry about you questioning his past then well....time to leave isn't it. If he has truely changed he will not mind you trying to protect yourself. All I can say is do NOT put blinders on. Really look at him not with rose colored glasses. You have to think about yourself and your family.

    Answer by pnwmom at 8:08 PM on Feb. 14, 2009