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How long do you make your LO stay on the potty to go poop?

I am in a struggle of wills with my 4 yr old dd. She just a A LOT of food, another growth spurt I think. She ate 1 whole boneless chicken breast, a whole red pepper raw, a glass of milk, then juice, then a hand full of chips from daddy. Its been a little over an hour, I made her sit on the potty for about 10 minutes. She peed, but no poop. In the past, she wouldn't go when we asked her to, then I would get busy, next thing I know, she poops. This has happened lots of times and she does know better! We did the reward system, but to no avail. This potty training thing has me pulling my hair out!!!! I do know there will be accidents, I understand this. But lately she has been doing it on purpose. Like this week, I would sit her down on the potty, she would just sit there and do nothing. Then she gets up 10 or so minutes later sometimes more, she would pee and poop, or just pee and completely soak herself and whatever she happens to be sitting on. So I told her next time she does this I will take a toy away, and she will get it back when she goes potty, no tinkling allowed. I have 5 of her favorite toys. Well if this doesn't work, at least it will clean up her room...:(

What am I doing wrong?? Please help me!!!!!


Asked by Michigan-Mom74 at 11:00 PM on Feb. 11, 2013 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 34 (66,351 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Part of how I "take control out of the equation" or avoid injecting control issues INTO the equation is in my response to those problem situations that are upsetting. (Like, when she doesn't poop, and then you get busy & suddenly she has pooped in her pants.) Instead of trying to apply negative consequences, whether through punishment or verbally (by being upset/frustrated or disappointed, telling her what she should have done, pointing out that she JUST was on the potty etc.), my goal would be to respond to the present moment constructively. Notice it, accept it, clean up, thank her for letting you know (or tell her that when this happens, you want her to let you know right away so you can get her cleaned up quickly.)
    I reinforce "listen to your body." Directing her toward her own signals ("How does it feel right before you have to go? Could you tell, or did it surprise you? Sometimes when I have to go...") may be helpful.

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:22 AM on Feb. 12, 2013

  • I'm telling you it took us $5 in quarters... I thought the kids was going to college in pullups!! LOL

    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:22 PM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • That truly is a good idea Crafty, gonna try that as well, and hopefully it'll work for mine too!

    Answer by HappyEndings at 11:30 PM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • uhm... IDK... but they don't just poop on command! Just b/c the timing for you is convenient doesn't mean they need to poop right then.

    I payed my son a quarter for every time he went on the potty, and took a quarter back if he went in his pull-up. It took one weekend b/c he didn't like giving up the money. You have to find the reward that "sings" to them.

    If you punish it will become a HUGE control thing. Every expert in the world will tell you punishing is the exact opposite of how you should handle it - going to the bathroom should be stressful. Being punished makes it stressful and will work against you. 


    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:09 PM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • *** with the money thing... it wasn't a punishment... it was all in a jar labeled "Potty Money"... if he did what he was supposed to I moved money to his jar... if not I moved money to "Mom's" jar... so it wasn't a punishment... but he was making money by doing the right thing. It never would have worked if he though I was actually taking HIS money! LOL


    Answer by Crafty26 at 11:13 PM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • i did naked potty training, it worked great

    turn the heat up, place her in a long T shirt with no undies, pullups etc
    if she hates the feeling of it running down her leg- she will run to use the potty

    if she does not mind that feeling, and some kids do not seem to mind- ^ will not

    Answer by fiatpax at 11:18 PM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • Mine responded to M&M's--girl after my own heart I guess, she'll do anything for chocolate. But part of it was that I worked really hard to know her body and the signals she gave me. Auditory and olfactory signals, I mean, said in the nicest way possible so I don't get yelled at for TMI again. She usually went in the early evening, still does, and there would often be tummy rumbles and gas along with it.

    The other thing was, making her sit on the potty for any length of time was pure misery for both of us, and it accomplished nothing. I concentrated on rushing her to the toilet when I knew something was coming, and if I had to clean up a little, it was better than forcing her to sit while she threw a big old hissy fit.

    I know the process can be frustrating. Hang in there, Mom.

    Answer by Ballad at 11:56 PM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • I don't make them sit for a particular length of time.
    Any time there have seemed to be struggles around toileting (resistance, "deliberate" accidents, etc.) I have taken it as a signal that somehow the element of control (& a subsequent battle over it) has gotten injected into the dynamic. To me, this is a signal that I need to correct or clarify the dynamic. This means taking control OUT of the equation, so that the child (who is reacting) can "self-correct" once he realizes there's no controlling or forcing to resist.
    A big part of this is dealing with my own emotions (so they don't interfere with things.)
    Problems or bumps just indicate something to "clean up" (figuratively as well as literally, lol.) In that way, the "backward progress" functions as a symptom or signal, and is not the actual issue. (Of course, it's a big issue for us! But respond by noticing the fears & feelings it brings up in you, rather than reacting.)

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:02 AM on Feb. 12, 2013

  • Does she have any developmental delays because at 4 she should be long done with potty training. Even for boys the average potty trained age is 3.5 Have you spoken to her ped about it?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 PM on Feb. 11, 2013

  • aww, I totally understand where you're coming from!! My 2 older ones were 4 before they were trained. Now I'm working on #3 who is also 4. He started pooping in his pants today, I could tell he wasn't done so I ran him up, plopped his tush on the pot and..... nothing.... He'll tell me, I gotta go, then I get him up there, & he already went. I was trying to get him on there every 1/2 hr, but I also have a 2 y/o who just loooooves it when mommy is busy w/ something else... Her lil horns come out and turns into a little ninja, climbing up on things & getting into everything!!! ARGH!! If you figure out something that works, please let me know!! Until then... wishin you the best of luck!! You'll need it!! lol

    Answer by HappyEndings at 11:08 PM on Feb. 11, 2013