I want to try to get honest unbiased opinions so Ill do my best to not give away my position in this situation. Though...i probably wont do a good job LOL.
Grandpa has three grown daughters, and then has a son and daughter (13 and 9) with (step)Grandma.
Granddaughter is 11.
Granddaughter and Aunt (9) do not get along well. Both are spoiled and both are bossy. Not a good mix .
When get togethers are at Grandparents house, no one is allowed in the kids room. When get togethers are at granddaughters house, granddaughter will exclude Aunt from playing in her room with the rest of the girls. She gets reprimanded every time, but insists Aunt is trying to boss her and
her friends around and doesnt want her in the room. She gets grounded for this everytime Aunt leaves.
Its granddaughters bday party. The entire family is always playing around, "stealing" each others babies, telling the older kids they have to go home with someone else, horseplaying, bday spankings...etc. All kinds of goofying around. When grandpa and grandma were leaving, mom starts the joking with granddaughter about "youre going home with them". Granddaughter is laughing and says "im not going with them. I hate them."
Grandpa was outside and didnt hear the comment. Grandma tells him about it on the drive home and says "shes done with all this and doesnt want to ever go back".
Grandpa calls daughter to find out why granddaughter said that. Daughter says she was joking and shes been reprimanded because its not okay to say things like that...even in a joke...but she WAS joking around.
Grandpa talks to granddaughter who says the same thing.
Grandpa tells granddaughter she really hurt grandmas feelings and he wants her to write an apology letter to them. it has to be several paragraphs long and she can have no help from mom or dad.
Granddaughter now feels awful and is worried about causeing problems in the family.
Do you think grandma was overreacting to a comment an 11 year old made...even if it was a joke?
Do you think grandpa has a right to punish granddaughter, and not consult mom and dad on it first?
Do you think mom should have scolded/punished granddaughter when the joke was said? Or waited until everyone had left to discuss it with her (thats what mom did)?
How SHOULD the situation have been handled on all sides?
And the big one: Is that comment, in joke or not, reason enough to "never go there again".
Asked by Anonymous at 8:45 AM on Feb. 12, 2013 in Relationships
Answer by KristiS11384 at 9:01 AM on Feb. 12, 2013
Answer by funlovinlady at 10:15 AM on Feb. 12, 2013
Answer by KristiS11384 at 9:12 AM on Feb. 12, 2013
Answer by NannyB. at 8:53 AM on Feb. 12, 2013
Question 1. I don't think Grandma was over reacting, that would hurt any one feelings, and it's hard to do nice things for people who act like they don't appreciate you, 2. I don't think a grandpa can punish a child without speaking to the parents first, but I also don't see asking her to right an apology letter as a punishment, I think it was a reasonable request for him to ask his granddaughter to do this. 3. I don't know if she should have scolded her right there or waited, but she did need to be scolded and saying it was a joke isn't an excuse 4. . I think that if the granddaughter was spoke to by the mother and told that this was unacceptable and the grandfather is making her apologize in a letter then it looks like you both sides were trying to handle it. 5. You can't say joke or not, because something like that isn't a joke, but the apology should be enough, not ever going back is to drastic.
Answer by mommom2000 at 8:59 AM on Feb. 12, 2013
Answer by ohwrite at 9:29 AM on Feb. 12, 2013
JMO, but I think it was an over reaction by step Grandma to say they are never coming over again. Kids will say things like this, not that this makes it okay, but it's hardly Earth shattering for an 11 year old to say something like that off the cuff. My kids will say it to each other when they are fighting and when I hear it we all stop and talk about it for a minute.
As for the letter, let her write her own feelings and if they accept it then fine. If not, it's their thing to deal with. I am sure there will be plenty of opportunity for the 9 y.o. aunt to have verbal diarrhea in the future and she will then have a chance to write a letter of apology to those that she offended.
Answer by QuinnMae at 9:50 AM on Feb. 12, 2013
Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 9:21 AM on Feb. 12, 2013
Answer by butterflyblue19 at 9:23 AM on Feb. 12, 2013
Answer by 3libras at 9:37 AM on Feb. 12, 2013
Next question overall
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