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What would you do now?

I've been up half the night trying to figure out what my next step should be. Here's the scenario. Any ideas?

My aunt, who is in her seventies, is very close to me, my boyfriend, and my daughter. She and I go out to lunch a lot, and she takes my daughter to the park, on walks in the summer, does school stuff with us now and then, etc. Today we were getting home from buying Valentines at the store. I unlocked the door and went into the house while my aunt and my four-year-old were still out on the porch, so I didn't hear exactly what happened. All I heard was smack, smack, smack! And then my daughter yeled, "Hey!" She was more outraged than hurt. I ran out onto the porch to see what the deal was.

My aunt said that my daughter had hit her three times, and that she had given her three swats on the bottom in return, because she wouldn't put up with that.

My daughter insisted that she hadn't hit my aunt at all, and that she was brushing something off my aunt's jacket. My aunt didn't believe her. She said my daughter had a smirk on her face like she knew she could fib to me and get away with it. My daughter insisted she was telling the truth.  She's never just hit anybody before.  But my aunt does think my daughter gets away with stuff too often, and she says she can go from sweet to naughty in a nanosecond--which is part of being four, in my opinion.

I was stunned that my aunt had spanked my daughter. I'd never said she could, but I'd never said she couldn't, either. Both of them were adamant about their perception of what happened. There was no way I could sort it out because I hadn't been right there, and they both firmly believed they were telling the truth. So I let it drop for the moment, since my daughter wasn't hurt, just angry. And rightfully so, if she was only brushing off my aunt's jacket

I plan to explain to my daughter that if she wants to brush a leaf or something off a person's coat, she should say she's going to do it, or let the person know it's there. But should I tell my aunt that she can't swat my daughter? I feel she should have called me out to the porch to deal with the situation instead. Or, since she's close to the family and has always been good and trustworthy with my daughter, should I just let it go? I'm really torn.

 
Ballad

Asked by Ballad at 3:55 AM on Feb. 13, 2013 in General Parenting

Level 45 (193,860 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I would not let this go.

    I would definitely talk to the aunt about it. Just let her know that you aren't comfortable with her smacking your daughter and that if something happens that she feels justifies it, to definitely let you know when you get home and you will handle it right then and there. Perhaps give her some ideas of ways she CAN punish (time-out, taking away a toy, etc.).

    And obviously try to be as non-confrontational as you can so that the aunt does not get defensive and hopefully not offended.

    Good luck!
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 8:27 AM on Feb. 13, 2013

  • If you do not want your Aunt spanking your daughter than just explain to her that you do not want her spanked and give her the reason. I would let what happened to do go as long as it does not happen again. It does not wound like you will ever find out what really happened. Also it sounds as if your Aunt really loves you and your family so i doubt she was trying to do anything to make you mad,
    MooNFaeRie30

    Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 5:31 AM on Feb. 13, 2013

  • I agree with Moon. You already told your dau how to handle a situation like that if it should happen again. Maybe it was innocent on your dau's part, but your aunt perceived it differently. Either way, I think letting your aunt know how you would like to handle situations like that in the future is best & then let it go. I wouldn't let 1 little misunderstanding ruin what seems to be a really close & loving relationship. GL

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:57 AM on Feb. 13, 2013

  • I agree that if this is the first time your aunt has swatted her that she is certian your daughter was hitting. I know you dont want to think your daughter would hit, but she may have and is telling a small cover her butt fib. Regardless, if you don't approve of shipping b your aunt let her know to please tell you and you will handle it. Telling your daughter that other than hugs, she is to ask permission is a great idea!
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 8:02 AM on Feb. 13, 2013