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Married to a man with HSDD what would you do?

My husband is affected by hypoactive sexual desire disorder. We have been married for over 6 years. 90% of the time we are very very happy, and the remaining 10% we are absolutely dissatisfied and miserable. The reason? Sex.

He is 46y.o., I am 38. He is 5,7 - 160#, I am 5,6 - 150#. We love each other and, in despite of it all, we have been mutually faithful. He has done everything he can to show me his love, and I have learned a) to appreciate his efforts, and b) that sex is very important yet not the most important thing in a marriage. Still all his admirable qualities, and traits do not make up for his low libido, marriage cannot be deemed such without sex and I am finding myself more and more resentful of his indifference.

What would you do? Have you had to deal with this? How did you solve it? And if you did not, how did you survive the pain of breaking apart? and when did you know it was either divorce or insanity?

Answer Question

Asked by desperatehw09 at 10:20 PM on Feb. 14, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • I have never been diagnosed with any sexual disorder but have had 3 husbands leave. One of the reasons being I can't get enough sex from them and I drove them nuts so we divorced. I'm not sure what your answer is but there are so many of us out here who would love to have a man like your's. (not saying to send him over!) I guess no relationship is totally perfect forever. Good luck with this. (not being a smart alec. I swear)

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:28 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • Wow... I would trade in a heartbeat! Sex is SO over rated... I would rather do almost anything


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:11 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • im in a similar situation, except im 21 and hes 25, weve been together for 31/2 years and our sex life has not ever been great, but the last two years its just gotten rediculas. i know how you feel and im sorry, it sucks to always be rejected, it really hurts feelings. i dont think its the SEX its the act of making love and being together alone, etc. thats what hurts, if you just wanted to get off you would get a toy, but i know how it is, well the only thing thats worked to make me feel better is to not go to bed when he does, i just cant put myself in that position to get rejected and cry anymore, well you can pm me if you want to talk, or just vent. im here almost every day.

    Answer by bennysmom519 at 5:09 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • I am 40 and my husband is 45 and sex is not like we constantly have it, but do to my love for him I try to think that life doesn't revolve around it. Somedays are hard and lonely and depressing. But life goes on and so will you and your husband, it helps if you have family and just a place to talk and to vent and music helps some.

    Answer by bugs68 at 11:05 AM on Feb. 15, 2009

  • My husband has not been diagnosed with anything but he has never really been too into sex. At first it was hard on me because I had been in several relationships before that where my only value was in what I could do for them physically... so with him I often wonder what I am good for..haha... I am 25 he is 26

    Honestly I just stopped pressuring him for sex and he started wanting it a little more when it wasn't a big deal. I also found an increase in his libido when I started working out (I am 5'3" 150) even though I hadn't started losing weight I think something about the fact that I was doing something for myself did something for him... I'd find other ways to burn the pent up energy and if everything else is going well for you then be happy.... and get a toy--- I know it's wierd but in my humble opinion if sex is your only problem you can help yourself...

    Answer by LuckyClown at 2:25 PM on Feb. 15, 2009

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