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Am i being mean?

we have a neighbor who has a 14yo girl. she has add and is hyper-active all the time. they don't have school tomorrow and she wanted to spend the night, but i said not tonight. now she's mad and cussing up a storm at her mom (her meds won't calm her down til tomorrow, they are a new script). my kids are going to bed in 5 minutes and i know she won't go to sleep until (if i'm lucky) 2am.

right now i'm not feeling good, (it's that time and my stomach is cramping like there's no tomorrow) and i have the bug guy coming out tomorrow to take care of my ant problem.

i didn't want to be mean, but i just can't handle her tonight. would you have done the same thing?


Asked by noel1978 at 9:05 PM on Feb. 14, 2013 in Teens (13-17)

Level 24 (20,417 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I don't think it's mean simply to answer no to that request. "Mean" would have to include the tone or nature of the interaction around refusing her.
    Her upset feelings in response don't automatically point to something wrong, mean or unreasonable having happened. She was disappointed & she got upset.
    Sounds like you don't like to see her upset, or to be the "cause" of disappointment, which makes sense. Those are feelings too. You wish things went smoother, or whatever. Maybe you feel responsible when someone is upset. In that sense, she/her behavior is no more the "cause" of YOUR feelings than your decision is the "cause" of hers. You feel uncomfortable or uncertain for your own reasons (your reaction to another person's displeasure) just as she is upset for her own reasons.
    This is (I think) a kid who seeks out your home & family because she appreciates the more positive interactions there, so she's upset when she can't stay.

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:59 AM on Feb. 15, 2013

  • you do not have to make excuses, you didn't want the girl over and that's that! You need your time and space, you have things that you are's more work having just having her over.

    Answer by madmueller at 9:23 PM on Feb. 14, 2013

  • I don't think you were mean. Why would her mom let her stay if she's on new meds that aren't working properly yet? You should never have been put in the position to say no.

    Answer by tessiedawg at 9:40 PM on Feb. 14, 2013

  • To be honest, I never liked having other kids over. I felt like that every time someone spent the night. LOL!

    Answer by m-avi at 9:08 PM on Feb. 14, 2013

  • I would have said no as well, especially if your kids are already getting ready to go to bed for the night.

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 9:09 PM on Feb. 14, 2013

  • I think you did the right thing. if you do not feel up to it then do not do it. I have had to do the same with my cousins children but I just do not have the energy sometimes. I also realized that my cousin wanted me to keep them all the time because she did not want to deal with them. Two of them have adhd and I know it's hard .

    Answer by katiejon at 9:13 PM on Feb. 14, 2013

  • You are not mean. I would of said no to especially being on the monthly.

    Answer by Guillen2010 at 9:21 PM on Feb. 14, 2013

  • nope- you don't feel great, it's normally a school night and there is still the week-end...

    don't worry about it

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 9:55 PM on Feb. 14, 2013

  • Of course you're not being mean. You're busy. Maybe another night, but I would tell her no next time, too, and let her know it's because of the way she acted tonight.

    Answer by Ballad at 10:17 PM on Feb. 14, 2013

  • her dr gave her new meds today and he said it takes about two days before they fully get into her system.

    Comment by noel1978 (original poster) at 9:06 PM on Feb. 14, 2013